~~~crossroads~~~

Can you stay waiting for that someone who were never there all along???
Can you just simply be with that someone knowing you have been preserving your life with someone else???
Hay... crossroads... missing dad and mama...

~~~sharing~~~

Just wanna share this with you... and I hope you'll be blessed...

"When Nes and Elle asked me to share tonight I initially said no. Not because I don’t want to but I feel so unworthy. And with that, I hope that beyond my sinfulness and imperfections, you’ll see how the grace and love of Christ moves mountain in me.

I am so arrogant and despised SFC. I had my bad notions of the community. For me and some of my friends and that include my X-BF, we called it SINGLES FOR COUPLE. And since I am not in a way looking for someone then… I know it will never be my kind of thing. I was in a relationship for almost 5 years, we’re kinda engaged. So mayabang ako… Lent of 2004, I attended one of Bo’s powerful Lenten retreats and there I know it started. I had a wonderful confession with Fr. John; he was somehow clairvoyant and the moment I stepped into the confession room he told me I was dying spiritually. Yeah I know I am… so after that, I tried to walk in HIS light. I was slowly growing in love with Christ, but I need to give it up because it was too mushy for him. After 5 years… it ended… leaving me wounded… but guess what? God wants to write my love story…

And truly He is a God of impossibilities and I know He has all the power to change things… and he wants me back… Can things get worst than losing a relationship you have cared for the past years… losing people you thought your friends with… losing a promotion and blagag… I was out of the lime light. That was strike one…

Then I attended the CLP simply because I am loving the talk, I don’t want to commit, more so join SFC Makati… I don’t seem to fit in… Mayaman kasi mga tao… dami pang conio… and God change my view on it and my whole life. He slowly filled the void in me. He slowly made me the woman He wanted me to be. And I slowly commit myself to service. So after I graduated I told myself that I will serve him all the more. It started with me in our household and I would like to honor them for their willingness to serve is so overwhelming that you can’t say no and the feeling is so comforting. More so, my household heads truly brings out the best in each one of us. Above all, the people serving in the community are so inspiring and wow… everything is just so perfect and God did pamper me… wow… I felt like I am soaring… exaggerating as it may seems but I feel so in love with everything I am doing. I don’t want to stop.

And God is such a good God… He stripped me off… the struggles never ended the day I said yes… but it come in numbers and worst I lose my job… I was so shattered so I decided to pack my things and left for Negros. I was loving my life there but something is missing. I realized my life is no longer there and I can no longer walk in my own footprints again… I need to go back here… and start all over again… it was all about FAITH AND SURRENDERING… deciding for the things that I want and having Christ on the side... I was missing my household... and whatever happened... it did not stop me from serving... and each trying times I felt God’s peace within me. All the more I wanted to serve. And God gave me all the opportunity… the tasks so overwhelming and truly it is in serving you’ll realized your purpose. He gave me the best people around to help me in my Christian walk, Nes, Elle, Jason, Pats, Taffy, Chacha, Ray… Just to name a few.

I was back in time for the MMLC and WOW… it was so powerful. God is amazingly good, in spite of the oppressions… He gave me the humility to accept things as they are. I had my disappointments during the event… and knowing me… I am good in complaining… but it taught me to see and to appreciate what is there and what the conference had to offer. I was crying listening to the talks and how affirming and healing it was. For so long, I thought I am done and over with my past, and that I finally forgiven the people who have hurt me but I was wrong. I felt all the bitterness… pains… I felt so wounded and I know why God let me realized that during Pat’s talk. It was because he wanted me to be truly healed with HIS Grace and he wanted me to have HIS true peace and not the peace I attempt to create. Truly, I did not just forgive them, but I longed for their forgiveness. And I am still a work in progress…

The conference is one of God’s many ways in letting me realized what it means to serve, and because God has blessed me with so many wonderful things that I truly needed: wonderful household, who never gets tired of serving and saying yes to GOD; a dynamic chapter who literally change my view about the community through their selfless desire to honor GOD; a not so-Christian family who inspires me to do more for God and hoping one day they will see how God literally humbled me and most of all a new-job I can earn my living with and continue to help in HIS mission, I am committing myself to serve HIM in my best and wonderful days.

Friends, believe me, you’ll find your purpose in serving and I am not offering a bed roses, I am not even saying it will make you a perfect, for I still do worry a lot of times, whined about things, sin most of the time but at the end of the day I know I will never feel unworthy of His love because it is so comforting and it keeps on embracing me no matter how many times I fall and I’ll find Joy to seek HIS righteousness… Am I well enough to face the world again? Well, yeah!!! Because after I lose everything, I gained one true friend who will never leave me, no matter what… well, HE MADE ME GROUNDED… on my toes up and well… and whatever it is… I will answer His call… I will serve Him all the more. And I hope and pray God will continue to nourish me and will always cling to His love at times I thought I am nothing. I hope you’ll pray for me as well. “Where is true joy? It’s found in God’s brand of love – love founded on faithfulness, love rooted in commitment.” God’s abundance is unlimited… it cannot be measured…"

~~~holding on~~~

What could be more hopeful than this: “I will never give it up because it’s you who gave it to me… and I will never give up on you…” hopeful right? But I am not waiting because He is at the end of this… I am waiting because I have a covenant to protect.

A nice ‘lil thought from Paolo Coehlo: "In real life, love has to be possible even if it's not returned right away. Love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.”

Ra...Ra...Ra...

~~~discerning~~~

It’s been a week now and we are not talking still… Mind you it sucks… I am really sad… this is so unusual… I want to go now… but my heart is telling me to stay… to hold on to one truth that we have… and that this is the will of God… I am a bit excited on God’s plan for us… Maybe he just wanted this time to think and to ponder upon… should I wait? Hay… until the day I am ready to go… as long as we are prayer partners… I am waiting and hoping but not expecting…

the hardest thing...

what could ever be hurtful than letting go of someone... and what do i have to let go... i know, time will come i am going to laugh about this... but certainly, this is indeed the most painful feeling I have experience. I know I'll get by... I am good at it... I know one day... sometime soon... all things will be in placed... I am anticipating... excited... I am at peace but i am sad and hurting... why? how? maybe in time... been weeks of me crying... and i still want to cry for more... hoping ill find the answer... loser? yeah... but not quitter. What will happen now? Well, life goes on...

What it Means to be Single

Even though it often seems that God is slow to answer prayers, no matter whether it's about a mate, or a job, or our children, or our finances, or anything else, we have to remember that God doesn't wear a watch. Nor does He look at our human calendars. He sees with eternal eyes. He operates on an eternal timetable, according to His plan and His schedule.

If God seems to be running late, don't get impatient and run ahead of him. Wait for the Lord's timing in everything. To the single folks out there, this is for you.

1. SINGLE GIVES YOU SPACE TO GROW. Sometimes, it's harder to grow when you are too close to someone. Trees are planted far apart so they can spread their branches and become strong as they mature.

2. SINGLE MEANS LEARNING TO LIVE BY YOURSELF. That is, however, no more difficult than learning to live with somebody else.

3. SINGLE MEANS FREEDOM. You are free to spend a week's vacation on the beach, to take computer classes, to work late on an interesting project, to spend the day in bed with a good book or simply with somebody.

4. SINGLE MEANS LEARNING NOT TO NEED A MAN/WOMAN TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MEANINGFUL BUT LEARNING TO LIVE WITH A MAN/WOMAN BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE WITH HIM/HER.

5. SINGLE MEANS THAT SOMETIMES YOU WILL WONDER WHY YOU WILL BITE YOUR LIP AND FEEL WISTFUL AND WONDER IF MARRIAGE IS BETTER.

6. IRONICALLY, YET QUITE HAPPILY, SINGLE IS FEELING GOOD ABOUT BEING IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. It is liking and respecting who you are and why you are.

7. SINGLE IS REALIZING THAT BEING MARRIED IS NOT NECESSARILY BETTER, IT IS MERELY DIFFERENT.

8. SINGLE MEANS THAT THERE COULD BE SOMETHING WONDERFUL AROUND THE CORNER AND YOU CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.

9. SINGLE MEANS YOU ARE FREE TO LOVE AGAIN. There are times when we are afraid of telling\nthe person what we feel deep inside because we might just lose them.

Go Singles... enjoy and live life...

GROUNDED

Today is August 7, 2006. Wow it’s been a while since the last time I had worked… Am I missing something here? Well, honestly, it was not easy… my friends literally knows how much I value my job and the fact that I am not used of asking help from someone else and truly this is not so me… well, I am glad that God made me the woman He wanted me to be. I still do worry sometimes but at the end of the day I know I am well taken care of… I know this cup will be over soon… He is truly a God of impossibilities and I know He has all the power to change things… but I know he wants me back… Can things get worst than losing a relationship you have cared for the past years… losing a dear friend (not for a bad reason, but sometimes we need to be separated from people dear to us)… losing a promotion… losing my savings… and worst… losing my job… Am I well enough to face the world again? Well, yeah!!! Because after I lose everything, I gained one true friend who will never leave me, no matter what… well, HE MADE ME GROUNDED… on my toes up and well… and whatever it is… I will answer His call… I will serve Him all the more…

I was reading a blog of a person I knew so long time ago… a one dear friend then… and I know he would want to forget all of me, well… I hope he’ll realize I was sorry for what happened and truly I am happy wherever he is right now. Reading all through it, it made me smile knowing he is so in love right now. Darn… people might not believe it, but I am truly prayin’ that finally he’ll be forever happy for the choices he made in the past. I have to be honest that there are times I’d wished we could be friends again and we will tell each other’s view on things… I am looking forward to that day he’ll finally walk down the aisle… and be with that someone no matter what… I know he will… *kilig*

Well… I have my life back and I am back… to service… but after I had a talked with an elder of the community I know I need to make a decision… For true love waits and I know I am taking the step towards another complicated relationship… and since we are both having a different life right now truly away from each other… undecided and uncertain what’s next… and since there is no such things as “mutual understanding” and “long distance relationship” and since I am quite confused where things going… and I know I have to make things clear before I drown myself with the thought that there is “us” at the end of it. This is pretty tough and I know pretty not easy for me to do… I am praying that God will give me wisdom to do what’s right. I have been praying for this person and truly letting go of him is much harder and painful. It matters to me really that we share the same faith… I used to claim he is my God’s gift, but if God has better plans for us apart then I’ll submit to his will. God is the only person who knows my future and will embrace me with my past. I am hoping waiting…

simply tiring... yet... learning...

Well, its been two weeks that I am in Negros now... well... I gain weight a lot... and taba ko na... i was so so surprised that my pants and shirts almost don't fit anymore... hehehhe!!! well... i am enjoying really my stay here... though a bit sad but learning a lot...

i am pretty domisticated here... and i am learning being at home full time... dividing my time between cleaning... doing the laundry then preparing the meals... wow... more so... doing the food marketing... see my daily routine: (not quite on time but somehow...)

5am: jogging with dad
6am: preparing for breakfast and andrea's baon for school
7am: daily prayer
8am-10am: cleaning the house or doing the laundry or internet...
11am: preparing for lunch
12NN: Lunch...
1pm: paliliguan si kyle (my 5-yr old nephew) for school
2pm: accompany kyle to school...
2:30-4pm: siesta... reading books... or still doing some chores (depends)
4pm: bonding with my mom sa tindahan...
5:30pm: prepares for dinner
6pm: assists andre and kyle in their assignments
7:30: dinner...
8pm onwards... tv or might be sleeping na...

pretty relaxed right... but i am telling you being full time housewife/houdehld help is not a joke... and so tiring...

with my stay here... i knew and found out my purpose... my mission...

What a Life?

Wow… it’s been sometime… and it’s been a roller coaster ride of emotions…

July 2-3, 2006: I was so lucky to have my household with me… we had our fellowship at Caleruega, Tagaytay, then Island Cove… Carmen, Hazel and I ended the night with a very meaningful conversation… can life gets better than this? Well… so blessed… and today I decided to let my love go… pretty tough decision… but I am at peace…

July 9, 2006: The next weekend… I went to attend the prison ministry… wow… truly in serving others you’ll find your purpose… and this day I commit my self to serve more… being with this people made me realize how much God have blessed me all these years…

July 10, 2006: I need to leave work and so I decided to go home in Negros for good… want know what I am feeling? SHATTERED!!! I felt so devastated and sad… and I want to go ask for shield… I cried the whole night and I know God had consoled me… I am truly unprepared…

July 13, 2006: I attended my household though I really do not want to… I can’t say goodbye to these people I have come to share my defeats and triumphs… but I need to… I was blessed on how they supported me… in my decisions, in my pains… how much they embraced me in my defeats… thanks to Ems, Tina, Claire, Irvin, Carmen, Bryan and Hazel… to those who silently wished for me: JR, Rhod, Melaine, Jhen, Art and Jean… thanks as well… I also went to see Jern… hay goodbyes…

July 14, 2006: For the first time… going back in Negros was so hard for me… I really do not know… but I don’t want to leave… all the while I thought that my flight is at 11am when it is supposed to be at 10am. So I was late, had it rebooked at 120am tomorrow… I went to see Ms Cecille for my clearance… then had dinner with Bryan and Hazel… can’t leave them really…

July 15, 2006: What a tiresome journey back home… to make the long story short, I have been traveling the whole night. I had hard time finding a cab when we arrived in Cebu, so I agreed to share cab with someone else… hay… and we became acquainted… I arrived in Manjuyod at 8am… went to see Dad and my Mother… my journey of soul searching now begin…
We had a delicious dinner… birthday party for dad… we ordered lechon… pancit… chopsuey… barbecue… etc… Dad was so happy and I am really overwhelmed…

July 16, 2006: I spent the day… nice learning: What one must do to grow: PACKING AND UNPACKING…

To date I am still here… enjoying life’s simplicity… I am learning to cook… I am doing household chores… tutor the kids… visit my friends and relatives… hay!!! With this, I realized my life is no longer here and I can no longer walk in my own footprints again… I need to go back… and start all over again… more grown up now… more responsible… and more love and trust… this is all about FAITH AND SURRENDERING… deciding for the things that I want and having Christ on the side... I am enjoying this journey ended...

I am still keeping my 5pm covenant... I am missing him each time but I am more responsible now...

I am missing my household... my GK... and my Prison Min... whatever happened... it will not stop me from serving...

At the end of the day... when you have played all your cards and you've run out of options... then God wanted you to know something... God tells you to rest...

May God be praised...

See yah soon...

The Sacrament of Waiting

A very good friend of mine reminded me of this... Thanks Hazel...

This is an article written by: Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

Enjoy and be blessed...

The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve only also stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts that all the greatest deeds of deering-do go by the name of action.
Waiting is a mystery - a natural sacrament of life - there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.
Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting (testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in self-control.) We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend to call or show up for a date. We wait in line at cinemas and theaters, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one - or wait in sadness to say goodbye and give the last wave of hand. We wait for springs to come - or autumn - for the rains to begin and stop.
And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop.
We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success and recognition. We wait to grow up - to reach the stage where we make our own decisions. We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is a part of the tapestry of living - the fabric in which the threads are woven to tell the story of our lives.
Yet current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait "grab all the gusto you can get." So reads one of America's greatest beer ads - get it now! Instant pleasure, instant transcendence. Do not wait for anything. Life is short - eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you will die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom- pre-marital sex and extra marital affairs - they warn against attachments and commitments - against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us - against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and wait.
This may be the correct prescription for pleasure - but even that is fleeting and doubtful - what was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure - "Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated." Not if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, soul as well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For if we never learn to wait, we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves.
For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery, brushing by our face everyday like a stray wind of leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has loved knows how much waiting goes into it - how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.
Why is this? Why can we not have it right now what we so desperately want and need? Why must we wait - two years, three years - and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit - the seed to flower - carbon to change to diamond.
There is no simple answer - no more than there is to life's other demands -having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have made other commitments; or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives - having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your own path - good-byes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.
All we know is that growth - the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other a time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting - of being present without asking demands and rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It truly tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.
So lovers wait for each other - until they can see things the same way - or let each other freely see things in quite different ways.
There are times when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance of intimacy of the way they were. They have to wait - in silence - but still present to each other - until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.
What do we lose when we refuse to wait; when we try to find shortcuts through life - then we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of truly loving or of being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature - isn't it of their very essence that they are filled with this strange but common mystery - that waiting is part of the substance - the basic fabric against which the story of that true love is written.
How can we ever find either life or true love if we are too impatient to wait for it?
***********************************
Waiting is a good thing only if something is worth waiting for.
How will you know if it's worth it? Gut feel.
What if you don't trust your gut? Pray. You will be enlightened. Trust me.
Is it wrong to expect while waiting? It's not wrong, but it will increase your chances of heartbreak and disappointment if things don't work out in the end.
Is it good to expect while waiting? It is better to HOPE.
What's the difference between hoping and expecting? HOPING means you're open to either side of the coin landing though you're more inclined to believe that things will turn out well. EXPECTING means you're thinking single-track...which won't do you much good at all.
What's the difference between waiting and expecting? EXPECTING is waiting for something TO DEFINITELY HAPPEN. WAITING is staying where you are, but not necessarily expecting something to happen definitely.
Do you need assurance from someone you're waiting for while you're waiting? Ideally, yes. But realistically, do you really want assurance from this person? It's so easy to just point at something and make that the reason why you're waiting ("Because she said..." "Because he told me that...").
With WAITING, all you really can rely on are 3 things: your gut feel, your heart and mind. Just YOURSELF, not anyone else.
So should you wait? What does your gut say? How does your heart feel? What does your mind think? If they're saying different things, keep asking yourself these 3 questions (and pray!) until you get a solid answer.
THEN you'll know if he or she is worth waiting for.

I BARE MY SOUL… I BET MY LIFE…

21st of June… I made myself vulnerable… and became intimate with him… Joshua Harris said that “the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment…” Am I ready to commit? Well… I have been committing myself to this person so long time ago… and simply because my love for him is a decision and come from loving Christ. I hope you’ll be blessed to read this… May God be praised!!!

Let me tell you this... not too long time ago… I found the seed of faith that God gave me… I was slowly growing in love with Christ but I need to give it up for my relationship then… we don’t share the same faith… our relationship was based on the world’s standards… our love for each other was based on how we satisfy and fulfill each other’s needs… our commitment and intimacy was based on the passion we have for each other… I would not say it was a bad relationship for because of it, I have become better… and I would always be thankful to Ali… after 5 years… it ended… leaving me wounded… but guess what? God wants to write my love story…

Latter part of my relationship then was a mess… then my cousin introduced me to Ryane… it started with hi and hello… the bet… the coffee… the books… and the rest was history… realizing how far we have gone through would really be a surprised to everyone… especially to those people who are close to me… why? HE IS EVERYTHING I WRITE AGAINST… But want to know the secret??? WE ARE PRAYER PARTNERS… the very day I knew him… I already asked God to nourish his faith… that we will someday shares the same love for Christ. I was not really a Christian then… but I kept on praying… then came a point my relationship enkindled… I need to make a choice… I silently said goodbye to him, (still have the letter with me…) I knew he became very special and saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do… months passed we seldom have talk and I thought that should be the thing… I made my commitment to make my relationship then work… but I never stop praying to God that He will nourish his faith and use him for HIS glory. True enough… I knew he was with SFC… I am not really convinced with the community he was in but still I am truly thankful. Then, the feelings never stop… the longing never ended… I kept on praying… that God would take him away from me… I fought hard each day… there’s no reason for me to fall in love with him… I prayed each day… submitting the desires of my heart to God and asking for what is right.

True enough… the relationship ended…. I was so devastated… who wouldn’t? I felt it was too late since I already commit myself to the relationship, planned my life according to it… I tried to bargain God… I always do that every time we had a fight… but He did not agree to it… I stopped trading… I rested… I stopped praying… but someone… somewhere… there’s this one person who is constantly praying for my happiness and for what is right in my life. He silently hoped and wished for my goodness… *kilig*

It was not an easy journey… but I was blessed that it never took me forever to accept HIS grace and HIS will. My birthday came and there I know God perfectly made things to happen… I was silently wishing, Ryane would call… for the first time after everything that happened I felt blissful… I can’t discern His will then… Ryane did call and the very first person who greeted me at 12 Midnight. He made this day special… with the flowers… I felt so happy reading the card that comes with it… I prayed for him again… this time, thanking God for answering my prayer. He did nourish Ryane’s faith… and even more…

Months passed and I knew… I have never let him go… and all the more I longed for him… but really God is a God of secrets… he did not reveal HIS plans sooner than I thought of… impatient that I am… I challenged HIM… this time… I was asking God to take him away from me if my feeling does not come from Him and if we are not meant to be… so I can preserve myself to the one I am truly meant for. I go on convincing myself it was over… and was holding on to God’s promise… My GG will come in HIS perfect time…

When God wanted things to happen… it will… “be careful what you wish for”, Joshua Harris said… God called me… He perfectly laid HIS plans… in spite of my prejudices against SFC CFC… he called me to serve in that same community I hated the most… I saw how he blessed Ryane with pains and joys… and I give it a shot… I eventually finished my CLP and the more I know God and how unconditional His love is, the more I waited for Ryane… wishing and praying for his happiness… because of God’s love in me… I learned to love someone with everything that he is…was and will be… and for the first time… statue was not an issue to me… luxury in life is just a bonus… what’s important is… he can be my prayer partner… someone I can praise and worship with… someone who is also so in love with Christ and will follow His will…

I let things unfold… and I am claiming it… He is my God’s Gift…

Well, after all this time… we finally have our commitment… and it’s a covenant we will protect. The prayer time we have… brings us closer to God and to each other… getting intimate with each other in Christ… enjoying friendship with Christ together… yearning to pleased God everyday of our lives… allowing God to use us to HIS pleasure and glory. I am not sugar coating and certainly there’s no smoke of clouds in my eyes. I am seeing the reality and that’s why I am asking God’s grace to continue nourishing us and hopefully we will grow in love in Christ. That we can faithfully and patiently wait for HIS perfect time. This is not an easy journey… I have my lonesome days and crying nights wanting to be with him… but God has better plans for us… and we are truly relying on HIS grace… all I know is that this is the kind of love God wanted us to have… unconditional… seeks one’s goodness, embraces one’s weakness, and willing to give ourselves for each other… Love that is deepens with our commitment to bring pleasure and glory to God. It is really a work in progress… thanks to our friends and family who keep on praying for us…

“Where is true joy? It’s found in God’s brand of love – love founded on faithfulness, love rooted in commitment. The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.”

Thanks Honey… I will remain in you as I remain CHRIST…

One Great Adventure...

This is us... 14 different people... One goal: "ONE BIG FIGHT FOR THE LORD, YES LORD"

I HOPE YOU'LL BE BLESSED READING THIS AS I AM WHEN I HAVE THEM...

Rhod: very silent yet deep person... in his thoughts...How could you know it's the WILL of God when you have FREE WILL?

Melaine: sleep anyone??? Wow! I am truly amazed on how enthusiastic she is... not to mention she haven't slept for three straight days... Well, everything is GRACE in GOD!

Ems: she never ceases to smile... sweet and delicate... a faithful and committed partner!

Jhen: she almost would not make it... God tried to test her Faith then and truly a woman of strength...

Art: one great buddy... willing to do everything to help... willing to give her moves for the LORD>>> sayaw lang!!!

Tina: timid, shy... pretty... crush ng bayan... she can be extremely silent... but wait 'till you discover the humor inside her!

Claire: CLARA as we call her... she is the very friendly among... resident make up artist... she seems naive at times and can be extremely funny... she will quote your lines and imitate your moves! hay! CG is never funny with out you... and oh by the way, she has an eye for beauty!

Jean: a free spirited fashionista... she loves to dress up... thanks for lending us your wardrobe... you will be very overwhelmed when she dances... a graceful dancer and true servant... she never say no!

JR: our resident GUITARIST...CHOREOGRAPHER... and the very reason why all of us eventually love JAZZ Dance. He has been in the community longer than we thought of... KFC... YFC and Finally SFC... he is actually an active member of the community... a truly talented person and serves GOD with all his heart...

Irvin: he is our household head. I sometimes don't understand his views especially in a relationship but I am truly proud of him... we look up to him... he is very supportive in our Christian Walk and always willing to be with us no matter what... when and even how far it is... whenever we need a kuya... a friend or simply someone we just want to vent with!

Carmen: she is a true beauty inside and out... someone who never stop until she is there... she really manage to pamper us, be with us, share our sorrows, laugh with us, support us, especially me in all my "confused days"and even if how busy her schedule is she finds time... a very deep person and full of wisdom and always ready to embrace us in all our weakness!

Bryan: well... what can I say??? A true and committed friend... he is a person you will like to have as a best friend... he is always there and you can talk to him anything from a girl thing... life drama... mushy and cheesy love stories... sobrang lucky ng magiging girlfriend nito... a committed Christian and so in love with Christ... above all, will always find time for me and Hazel... Thanks Bry!

Hazel: someone I truly admired of! one woman who embodies a life of a true Christian... she never failed to lift up my spirit no matter how downhearted I am... my emotional support and someone I can be me... she will share your sorrows and joys with... she will really find time to seek and comfort you... she is everything to me... a friend... a sister and a family... above all, she is always there for me and Bryan...Thanks Haze!

To all of you: it will always be a joyful journey with you... thanks for all the love and support... i know life will never be the same without you and thanks really for the gift of friendship I shared with you... We may have different lives and different way of seeing it, I know we all have the same love for Christ and spirit in serving him... I am commiting myself to loving you in all your weakness...

God bless and may GOD be praised...All glory belongs to HIM...

No more slums… no more violence… no more poverty…

Yesterday was GK National Freedom Build… and wow… God is so good and magnificent to have guided GK leaders and empowered them so that GK will continue to inspire people… believers or unbelievers alike…

I was so overwhelmed yesterday to be with the youth… and whew… these kids are truly worthy to be called youth for CHRIST… They are truly inspiring and believe me they worship GOD as if it will be their last worship… I felt so blessed being with them… I was crying and rejoicing that God is working in them. Instead of them spending their time at home watching TV or spending their time for pleasure, they choose to be with us… building houses… cleaning the area… playing with the street children… and they never get tired… truly amazing… what I am praying right now is that they will continue to be in service for God in spite of.

Speaking of service to the poor? This is what I love about this work… you’ve got to be with people who have different perspective about life. Wow… I felt I am back to my first love… PSYCHOLOGY… would you believe it that in spite of how good and how wonderful the vision and mission of Gawad Kalinga (GK), there are still people who are not welcoming it… despising it… When I first learned about the works of GK I fell in love with it right then and there and really push myself to be a part of it… I want to serve this people (that’s what I often told myself). I felt so bad when I was blurted with the reality that not all are happy and agreeable with it. We were having the clean up drive while the rest helped in building the house. Guess what? Filipinos are truly arrogant… sorry for the word and I know I should be proud of my “kapwa Pilipino”. But how could I be when they don’t even realized their blessing and all they can do is complain… they were provided with a decent house, yet they want to stay with their “barung – barong”. They were educated on how to do a living yet they opted to do chit chats with their neighbors and talk about the lives of other people. They were taught to maintain cleanliness yet they can’t even maintain their hygiene. I am not generalizing but truly I felt sad… and I am very happy that there are still people who continue to believe that there will be a better tomorrow for all of us. I went home with a heavy heart not that because this people are useless… but because I am so overwhelmed and my spirit is soaring high above anticipating the challenge I am facing… I will live to see these days renewed…

I am so blessed today… honestly, I am so broke but I am still joyful for God is so good. All this we give thanks and glory to God. May God be praised for every life that is changed… God bless everyone... Oh By the way... Thanks Bryan for being there with me...

Here and There... meeting both ends!!!

"Lord if my feelings for him does not come from you and if he is not meant for me... then take him away from me..." I had this prayer a month ago... I have read the signs and I know... God has other plans... so I started to let go and forget about him...

While I was busy suppressing what I feel inside... and I finally affirmed the fact He is not coming back home... something happened... he had an accident... was unconscious... then he is back... truly God wanted me to know His plans... and all I could do is embrace it again... I hope we will both grow in love with Christ.

Today was a very powerful night... we prayed together... and my body and my whole being was rejoicing since God is working between us... I am so blessed and this is truly a dream come true... we made an agreement that we will find time to pray together regardless of the distance between us. It will be a time solely for us... our time for each other... 5pm here and 12 Noon there...

Can things get better than this? Nah... I don't think so... no one can ever satisfy you than GOD...

I still have the same prayer and I know God is working between us. I am surrending everything for His better glory. And I am claiming it...

All praises and glory belongs to GOD!!!

For Ryane... Get Well Soon!!!

Truly God works in mysteroius ways...

Last Thursday night, I had a pretty short conversation with Ryane... and damn... I missed him... the line was cut off and I did not bother to call again, I went off to sleep... it will be another days of chasing rainbows and butterflies... I am not really sure what's God's plan for us... but I already have surrendered him to God.

I was on my home from Bagiou that Saturday night when Jern texted me that something happened to Ryane. I regret that I did not call him back last Thursday night. I was thinking that was supposed to be our last conversation had it been God did not give him another chance. Hay!!! I was so devastated and don't know where to get my strength when Jern told me Ryane had an accident, and he is unconscious. Since I was in the bus, I cannot cry my heart out. You know that moment in your life when you just want to fly and be with that someone.. someone you truly care and longed to be with. That was my moment and I wanted to see him... be with him... But all I could do is hold on and enthrust Ryane to God.

I was so down and God lifted me up. My heart's desire at that moment is for Ryane to hear me pleading... for him to come back. I was crying the whole night begging God... I once asked Him to nourish Ryane's faith and truly he answered it. Deep down in me is rejoicing at that time because I know God is really working in us. But I have to very honest, I was shattered and would not want to continue my CLP. I almost would want to let go... but God has been so good that he comforted me... consoled me. I am so blessed that I have this faith and truly God is true to His promise. Ryane is now conscious and is now recuperating. Thanks to those who helped me pray for his recovery.

I was with Jern yesterday, we attended mass. It was fun co'z being with him is like being with Ryane. I really hope Jern would realize what he wants and his personal legend.

TO Ryane:

Today, today I bet my life
You have no idea
What I feel inside
Don't, be afraid to let it show
For you'll never know If you let it hide

I love you You love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you will let me
I'll take what scares you Hold it deep inside
And if you ask me why I'm with you
And why I'll never Leave
Love will show you everything

One day
When youth is just a memory
I know you'll be standing right next to me

I love you
You love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you will let me
I'll take what scares you Hold it deep inside
And if you ask me why I'm with you
And why I'll never Leave

My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything

Truly everything works for good to those who love the LOrd...

God bless. Get well soon!!!

R E N G

It's been days passed since Reng left and I cannot get over the feeling still...

Pot and I bid farewell to her last Saturday night. We went to see her before she left for Dubai... ganito pala un... We have not been together... as in really together lately... actually ever since Ali got into my life... but we knew we are always here for each other... I always know that... from the time I was so nothing and nobody... to the time I almost have everything... then to the time everything was taken from me... she was with me... in physical... in emotional... in her prayers...

We have ups and downs... We certainly have our differences but I know inspite of it all... she will always embrace me... whatever it takes!!!

Can this get any worst? Well, when she broke the news that she is leaving... I know, everything will change... alam mo yung feeling na andyan lang sya lagi... whew!!! hirap!!! Then all of the sudden she is gone... the selfish side of me... wanted to hold her... co'z life is never the same without her... but i know... she deserves it and I know in time, will be together again... I am truly happy seeing her thousand miles away from me because I know God has a perfect plan for her... i missed her and will always miss her...

God bless Reng... I'm just here... Keep on praying... love you!!!

my wedding song...

*** dreamy eyed ***

If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles
I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
if I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there
If I believed in magic spells
It all would be so clear
'Cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future
I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I dont know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I cant deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there
I'm there
I'm there
If I believed.

for my mom...

I am not really in good shape right now... still struggling with my finances... people i am dealing with... who seems so nice yet kept their own prejudice on me... hay... I am indeed that in GOD's perfection HE is merciful. I will be going home in Negros tomorrow... just to attend to my mother who is in the hospital right now. Well, please pray for her fast recovery and thanks to those who have been praying... I will be inaccessible at this time... you may text me in case you need anything... got a lot of things to tell you but i need to go now. God bless... ingatz!!!

just a note...

... CROSSROADS... to be continued....

I would want to write my wonderful experience last weekend but I know... God wanted me to go home now... rest and preserve my body for another long day tomorrow... I went to the office at 4 am... I need to go home now... since I need to be back at 2 am... with all these... I GIVE BACK all the GLORY and HONOR to GOD... My Prince of PEace...

You are holy (You are holy)You are mighty (You are mighty)You are worthy (You are worthy)Worthy of praise (Worthy of praise)I will follow (I will follow)I will listen (I will listen)I will love You (I will love you)All of my days (All of my days)I will sing to
(You are Lord of Lords)And worship
(You are King of kings)The King who
(You are mighty God)Is worthy
(Lord of everything)I will love and
(You're Emannuel)Adore You
(You're the Great I am)And I will bow down
(You're my Prince of peace)before You
(Who is the Lamb)I will sing to
(You're my living God)And worship
(You're my saving grace)The King who
(You will reign forever)Is worthy
(You are ancient of days)I will love and
(You are alpha, omega)Adore You
(beginning and end)And I will bow down
(You're my Savior, Messiah)Before You
(Redeemer and friend)
You're my Prince of PeaceAnd I will live my life for You(Repeat above 2x)

-A Forever Kind of Love-

Yesterday night's talk was indeed so powerful that indeed it could move mountains... WOW!!! The mountains in me... arrogance, pride, anger, resentment, unworthiness and all that crap in me melted and all I can do is run and seek HIS love... I was consumed with my personal struggles and that I forgot to that there is a life and sufferings outside my world and that whatever I am feeling right now is not a peculiar thing to linger upon... everyone has its own fare share of life's struggles and difficulties and it might be even worst that what I am going through right now. God has been so good to me... and even to you... Today I let go of my plans... to discern HIS WILL. This is not an easy decision but I know... this is because I LOVE HIM so and that unconditional love I forever longed for... could only be found in HIM... and it is only upon HIM I could found true happiness and acceptance.

"Lord today and onwards... I am yours... direct me to your pleasing will and I will give up everything for you."