for my mom...

I am not really in good shape right now... still struggling with my finances... people i am dealing with... who seems so nice yet kept their own prejudice on me... hay... I am indeed that in GOD's perfection HE is merciful. I will be going home in Negros tomorrow... just to attend to my mother who is in the hospital right now. Well, please pray for her fast recovery and thanks to those who have been praying... I will be inaccessible at this time... you may text me in case you need anything... got a lot of things to tell you but i need to go now. God bless... ingatz!!!

just a note...

... CROSSROADS... to be continued....

I would want to write my wonderful experience last weekend but I know... God wanted me to go home now... rest and preserve my body for another long day tomorrow... I went to the office at 4 am... I need to go home now... since I need to be back at 2 am... with all these... I GIVE BACK all the GLORY and HONOR to GOD... My Prince of PEace...

You are holy (You are holy)You are mighty (You are mighty)You are worthy (You are worthy)Worthy of praise (Worthy of praise)I will follow (I will follow)I will listen (I will listen)I will love You (I will love you)All of my days (All of my days)I will sing to
(You are Lord of Lords)And worship
(You are King of kings)The King who
(You are mighty God)Is worthy
(Lord of everything)I will love and
(You're Emannuel)Adore You
(You're the Great I am)And I will bow down
(You're my Prince of peace)before You
(Who is the Lamb)I will sing to
(You're my living God)And worship
(You're my saving grace)The King who
(You will reign forever)Is worthy
(You are ancient of days)I will love and
(You are alpha, omega)Adore You
(beginning and end)And I will bow down
(You're my Savior, Messiah)Before You
(Redeemer and friend)
You're my Prince of PeaceAnd I will live my life for You(Repeat above 2x)

-A Forever Kind of Love-

Yesterday night's talk was indeed so powerful that indeed it could move mountains... WOW!!! The mountains in me... arrogance, pride, anger, resentment, unworthiness and all that crap in me melted and all I can do is run and seek HIS love... I was consumed with my personal struggles and that I forgot to that there is a life and sufferings outside my world and that whatever I am feeling right now is not a peculiar thing to linger upon... everyone has its own fare share of life's struggles and difficulties and it might be even worst that what I am going through right now. God has been so good to me... and even to you... Today I let go of my plans... to discern HIS WILL. This is not an easy decision but I know... this is because I LOVE HIM so and that unconditional love I forever longed for... could only be found in HIM... and it is only upon HIM I could found true happiness and acceptance.

"Lord today and onwards... I am yours... direct me to your pleasing will and I will give up everything for you."

not everyday is a sunny day...

Well, kinda sad... there are things in life I would want to question... but all I can do right now... is cry and seek HIM... I would want to run to my friends... but all I can do is pray... and seek hihs GLORY... need to sing my heart out... Life is UNFAIR but GOD is FAIR... and I know in time... I'll understand all the things that I am going through right now...

Better Days
Dianne Reeves

Silver gray hair
Neatly combed in place
There were four generations
Of love on her face
She was so wise
No surprise passed her eyes
She's seen it all
I was a child, oh
About three or four
All day I'd ask questions
At night I'd ask more
But whenever, she never
Would ever turn me away
No, no oh woah
I'd say how can I be sure
What is right or wrong
And why does
What I want
Always take so long
Please tell me
Where does God live
And why won't
He talk to me
I'd say Grandma
What is love
Will I ever find out
Why are we so poor
What is life about
I wanna know the answers
Before I fall off to sleep
Woah ho woah ho
She saw the smile
As she tucked me in
Then she pulled up that
Old rockin' chair once again
But tonight she was
Slightly, remarkably
Different somehow
Slowly she rocked
Lookin' half asleep
Grandma yawned
As she stretched
Then she started to speak
What she told me
Would mould me and hold me
Together inside
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
She said all the things you ask
You will know someday
But you have got to live
In a patient way
God put us here by fate
And by fate that means
Better days
She said, child we are all
Moons in the dark of night
Ain't no mornings gonna come
Till the time is right
Can't get no better days lest
You make it through the night
You gotta make it
Through the night
Yes you do
You can't get to no
Better days
Unless you make it
Through the night (baby)
Oh ho, you will see
Those better days
But you gotta be patient
Be patient, oh baby
Be patient
Later that year at
The turn of spring
Heaven sent angels down
And gave Grandma her wings
Now, she's flyin'
And slidin', and glidin'
In better days
And although
I'm all grown up
I still get confused
I stumble through the dark
Getting bumped and bruised
When night gets in my way
I could still hear
My Grandma say
I can hear her say
I can hear her sayin'
You can't get to no
Better days
Unless you make it
Through the night (baby)
Oh ho, you will see
Those better days
But you gotta be patient
Child, do you hear me, yeah
Well, well, well, well
You can't get to no, no
Better days
Unless you make it
You got to make it
You got to make it
Through the night
Oh Grandma, oh Grandma
Do you see me now, lady
Oh oh oh oh oh

a sweeter song after the rope burned...

Well, I am just a bit excited for everyone to see my new office... hope to get myself motivated... with the flower that beams smile on me... whew!!! This is all for the GLORY of GOD!!!

Well, I was attending a series of seminar right now... of which I opted not to disclose it yet until I am finish with it... asking why? That I need to figure it out... Well, the talk last night was indeed powerful and it cuts me deep!!! CHILL!!! I was in this crowd alone... I seated in the second row and nobody was on my side... not that there aren't plenty of people in there, but indeed the place was over swallowing of people overwhelmed with their desires and passion and I am alone in my row... did I feel bad??? Nah!!! Honestly, I did enjoy it... after the session... I also went home alone. WOW!!! I left the place with questions but I did not search the answers because I know in time I'll definitely find it. It also leaves me wondering why I am there. Well, to be honest... I wanted to get away with my busy life at work and do things that matters... though at the back of me, the reason has something to do with the emotional turmoil I am confronting right now. Well, who could blame me...? I am still a woman...

The night ended with one realization... I am pretty better off alone... and I love it... me in there... walking with all these strangers staring at me... and never did they realize what I've been through and what I am feeling at this moment... I am totally new in their eyes... I am singing a sweeter song now... and that empty vacuum in me... I know it will slowly be filled and I couldn’t ask for more... I LOVE HIM SO and I WILL PURSUE HIM!!!

...wake up... wake up... it's a beautiful day...

My weekend was pretty relaxing… most of the time i just spent it at home reading... though I went out last Saturday night with my dearest best friends: Erick and Sam. We’d watch CASANOVA... it is a good date movie… but compared to PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, I’ll go for the second one… We went home kind of late since we still spent the rest of the night drinking. And guess what? I had my first TEQUILLA SUNRISE… and definitely the first time I tried to drink hard liquors… hehehe!!! Did I like it? Nah!!! I even hate the feeling after… so what’s good about it? I don’t know really… so I guess I’ll be back with my CALI and ICED TEA night… hehehe!!! I did have fun… especially that it’s been sometime since I went out with Erick… and I have to admit… I missed my dear friend… hay!!! And I know that even if we don’t see each other that often as before… we will always be there for each other… especially in bad times… like Saturday night… I know it was quite a comfort seeing him and I know I don’t have to worry in so many things since having him around makes my day... hay… in the words’ of Erick, “hindi nya alam kung anong mawawala sa kanya… so huwag mo na syang kausapin hangga’t hindi sya mauna. Matuto sya…”

Well, I know it will never be that easy but I know I have to do it… so good bye to him for now… this is what I hate about crossing the bridge… but I can’t blame him though… I decided to… so here I am feeling all the emptiness and longing and he is not there to conquer it…

By the way, I spent last night crying:)

"YOU ARE EVERYTHING I WRITE AGAINST..."

Memoirs of Geisha

To those who have not watch it... please do... You may check the link above...

The story really reminds me of the girl I once knew... full of courage and was never afraid to pursue her dreams regardless of what... as her line goes... "I can walk on waters... because I know where the stones are..." Well, where is she now? I'll tell you if she comes back... for now I do missed her... so much...

Well, famous line is..."every step I have taken has been to bring myself closer to you..."

What’s the reason for ashes on Ash Wednesday?

I got this article from this site: http://www.kencollins.com/question-02.htm

As you know, Jesus retreated into the wilderness and fasted for forty days to prepare for his ministry. It was for Him a time of contemplation, reflection, and preparation. By observing Lent, most Christians join Jesus on His retreat.
Lent consists of the forty days before Easter. In the western Church, we skip over the Sundays when we count the days of Lent, because Sunday is always the joyful celebration of the Resurrection. Therefore, the first day of Lent in the western Church is always a Wednesday.
Biblical societies relied very heavily on wood fires for heating and cooking, which meant that keeping ashes under control was a major housekeeping task. Then as now, if a person was preoccupied with something serious, they didn’t always tend to the housekeeping—it’s the least of their concerns. Imagine that there is a death in the family. A friend stopping by to pay their respects might gently say, “Did you know you have ashes on your face?”
So ashes became a sign of remorse, repentance, and mourning. Today someone might wear a black armband to signify that they are in mourning; back then people put ashes on their foreheads.
You can find biblical examples of this in 2 Samuel 13:19, Esther 4:1-3, Job 42:6, and Jeremiah 6:26. During Lent, ancient Christians mourned their sins and repented of them, so it was appropriate for them to show their sincerity by having ashes on their foreheads. The custom has persisted in the church as secular society has changed around us.
It is most appropriate on Ash Wednesday, when we begin a period of sober reflection, self-examination, and spiritual redirection.
Traditionally, the ashes for the Ash Wednesday service come from burning the palm fronds from the previous year’s Palm Sunday celebration. If you burn the palm fronds yourself, don’t add any other ingredient—just burn the ashes plain. Add a little oil to the ashes so that they will stick to people’s foreheads. Of course, it is easier to purchase them from a religious supply house. Don’t overestimate how much you need! It is amazing how far a small amount of ashes will go!
Some people only celebrate the happy times in Jesus’ life: Palm Sunday, Easter Sunday, and Christmas. But I think as true friends, we should also watch and pray with Him on Maundy Thursday, stand by Him at the cross on Good Friday, and retreat with Him into the wilderness during Lent. You can read more about Jesus’ fair-weather friends.
About fasting: Today the word ‘fasting’ means a total abstention from all food. In the historic Church, it means a disciplined diet so that your animal appetites become a sort of spiritual snooze alarm. You can read information about fasting.
You get more information about Lent. You can also read Honest to God for an explanation of what we accomplish by observing Lent.