Postscripts

Perfect Match - surely not the end Yet?

2011-01-08T02:49:00.004+08:00

Not much a fan of Koreanovela's but I often end up watching most of the Koreanovela's with ABS CBN and it just feel so good everytime... and makes you want for more or maybe the hopeless romantic part of me.

Last night, Perfect Match with ABS CBN ended! This is a come back Koreanovela of Lee Min Ho after Boys Over Flowers and surely not the end of more Koreanovela's that most of us Filipinos still really care to watch and always looking forward! This is a story of an Architech who fell in love with his housemate after pretending of being gay - friends turn into lover - the magic of finding the person who can changed your whole world... The last episode is truly a mixture of romance, comedy, drama - yet everything just so light and therapeutic!

Love, romance and relationship is truly the most common yet ever talked about! We all love that feeling of finding that someone we can go home at the end of everything! Nothing mushy and fancy... yet its the truth of it all - for whatever it takes... it is just so worth it - falling in love!

For not so romantic people - perfect match is no perfect... yet we can always define that perfect moment - that perfect person - and that perfect match!

Welcome to Las Pinas City

2009-03-12T14:48:00.002+08:00

Last March 8, we move out from our small unit near Dela Rosa, Makati and transfer to a much bigger place - townhouse in Las Pinas. Well, it was not easy though since we don't have any help arround. It was just me and Tata, though we manage to leave Andre with her Ninang in Binondo. It was not easy but we are getting by. Thanks also to Joann, who allow us to rent her townhouse at a very affordable amount. Thanks to Tata's sister who help looking out for Andre while we are busy packing and unpacking. Whew. We are not settled yet, still a bit messy and things are still not in place yet though I am happy we are now living there.
Las Pinas is a bit far from Makati and the traffice is terrible. Yet, I have to be thankful for now since I am blessed to have officemates living nearby and I ride with them. Thanks to Eugene - our Director, who allow me to ride with him in the morning and to Libay - my officemate and a very dear friend who allow me to ride with her in the evening. Yey. So much to be thankful for and hopefully will settle soon.
My only wish for now is for us to find our permanent place after this. I hope this will be the last time we will be renting and hopefully we can have our own house too. Yeah! One day we will... soon!

Grey Day!

2009-03-11T18:12:00.002+08:00

There are days we are confronted with real life drama... well... its all part of the journey. At the end of the day... all things will end and there will always be new beginnings. The good thing is the sun is still shining and setting to give us hope and reassurance that today will end and tomorrow will be another day. As Morrie said it: What one must do to grow: PACKING and UNPACKING!

For whatever it is and for whatever it takes... we are all fighting the good fight and someone would win our battles...

In you Lord, I submit everything!

A New Leaf!

2009-02-17T16:36:00.003+08:00

It's been 2 months since the new year started. Every year, I blog about my thoughts for the coming years and the past year of course. This year is truly different... I have Andre and Tata to go home to at the end of the day!

I am turning a new leaf of my life now. I used to visualize what my life could be at the beginning of each year and I am so overwhelmed to realize now my life is not all about ME anymore. It's more of Andre and his future.

We spent our New Year in Negros with my family. Amidst the fireworks and the singing Andre was just in there sleeping. He wants to be were the party is... and I wonder where did he get that. Hehehe.

Tata and I were just starting and truly it takes more than any human effort to make things happen. I thought I was more than prepared for the new role and the new responsibility, things aren't happening the way I wanted it to be. I am just so blessed to see God's unconditional love for us to give us all that we need. There are days still, I felt anxious and afraid especially that I wanted to provide the best for Andre yet God's love is constantly reassuring me of the good life He promised to me, and then I know, I am fighting a good fight. I know there is so much to look forward to in the coming days... months and years. It always a one day at time basis.

Who Am I?

2008-10-15T10:55:00.001+08:00

Yey... this is truly a song I considered so powerful - by Casting Crown

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

Christmas Dinner...

2007-12-28T10:23:00.000+08:00

Last December 20, my grabeh friends... my second family in Manila had our annual Christmas Dinner. For sometime now, after everything, it used to be Kuya Alwell, Ate Vicks, Yuga, Gen and Me... This year is a bit different. We are happy to see more faces and new people coming in. Ate Meb and Kuya Tong did come to attend. Pretty usual thing, dinner, kwentuhan and all... Well, also happy to see Ali and Tin in there. So it is a Merry Christmas I guess!

Looking forward to more years with you...

My Christmas Blooper?

2007-12-28T10:03:00.000+08:00

The holiday is about to be over. Wow... ang bilis talaga ng panahon... soon it will be 2008 and I guess... its been a JOURNEY. My last days in Manila was really hectic, dinner here and there, party is all over and weddings to attend to, and of course... WORK to finish.

I do not know what is with Christmas that I always look forward to. I am always happy looking forward buying gifts, wrapping it, enjoying the busy season, getting used of the heavy traffic and of course spending time with Family and Friends. Oh I love this season talaga.

I left Manila last December 24 and looking forward to the midnight mass since after 8 yrs I will finally be attending it. But guess what, I didnt wake up. I spent at the office overnight last December 23 and so I didn't sleep really. When I arrived home I thought of taking a nap that ended up sleeping and I woke up at 8am on the 25th. Well, glad to have rested really.

I am happy with my stay here and so in love!

Silver Year and Better Days!

2007-12-10T10:08:00.000+08:00

Last December 6, I celebrated my 25th year. Wow, I feel so much loved around me and it is really a celebration for me. I didn't have a big party and all yet in my heart it is more than just happiness... its joy!

The day went well. I was surprised by Les and Libay's Vi Bear...

Isn't he adorable? Hahahaha! I am still looking for a name and maybe you can suggest one... hehehehe!

I spent the day with a mass and dinner alone but not lonely at all! At 9 Bambi, Pao, Pio, Elle and Jong joined me at Cafe Breton. It was worth celebrating with them as they have been there in my journey through my spiritual life. Oh I missed Ate Bambi and Mommy Elle really.

My birthday is really a blast. There's more to celebrate life with. Kuya Tong, Ate Vicky and Kuya Gen treat me out for a dinner at Giligans and dessert at Cafe Breton again last Saturday, December 8. So this year is all about coffee and crepes... hahaha! Well... for the past years I have been celebrating birthdays with them and I missed Kuya Alwell and Kuya Yugs... well in spirit they are with me! But really, I missed you there!

And by the way, I received gifts from Alvin... as always, chocolates and a Mango Bag. It's a nice classy big black bag. What a surprise really and this bad travels all the way from Qatar. Well, what can I say? I am blessed having this person so miles apart yet so near in thoughts. Thanks Vin for taking time to remember! I appreciate and truly like it. Well... blessing are outpouring indeed: Friends, gifts, prayers and good life... what could I ask for? Thanks to those who greeted me. Thanks as well Ate Vicks for the nice wallet!

So here's to a more exciting, fruitful, colorful and truly blessed year ahead...

Always and Never... in my Few Hours!

2007-12-05T20:56:00.000+08:00

Today is my last day being 24... few hours left and I will be celebrating my silver year. Wow... this year truly calls for a celebration... I am in my quarter life now... and I am just so happy that it is not a crisis yet something I should celebrate and look forward all the more.

I do not know but every year I am having my birthday blues and this year I can't even seem to remember I have one... hahaha! There is so much joy within for I know in each year God has been so good to me... blessing me abundantly.

Last year was a mixed of bliss and sorrow. There were down moments yet the triumphs outnumbered it. Hay... I hope you can see God's victory in me.

I don't know what to expect tomorrow yet I am joyfully anticipating. Things are way different now... I missed my old friends who used to surprise me... yet there are few new people in my life who brings so much joy. I have been receiving a lot from people around me... maybe this year, I will do the other way around. I hope I can be a blessing to others all the more.

By the way, to start this year right. I had a vanity day with Face Shop last Saturday... so check this photos... sooo Naturally me... for it is a NATURAL STORY @ The FACE SHOP!

I Will See Palawan Again...

2007-11-11T19:48:00.000+08:00

As promissed... here are the pics of an Island worth exploring and spending... Enjoy...

Today is my Last Day!

2007-11-10T03:13:00.000+08:00

I have the best days of my life now. Truly, it was a mission worth sharing my life... a vacation worth spending and I gain more... friendships and relationship all in one.

Wow! Truly I felt so much joy with so much to look forward to. Meaningful journey of new beginnings with the SFC Palawan. It was a journey of rediscovering God's greatness as we explore the Island. Grabe must seen! Will post some pictures here when I get back to Manila.

I am on my last day here in Negros. The trip going here was not that likeable yet I think it was worth all the efforts to make it here. The day I arrived was our family reunion. That was the best part. Same day my nephew: Ed passed away. It was also his 26th Birthday. It was a mixed of bliss and loss. Today, is the funeral and instead of me leaving on the 4th of November, I extended my stay to attend the funeral. I do not know what in store next yet I know the family is one and together now. So much have happened in these past few days... besides this is the longest vacation I ever have here since I left for Manila in 1999.

So happy vacation and more on the next post...

Not another bad luck...

2007-10-31T18:41:00.000+08:00

I am at the airport now - thanks to SMART 3G... and here I am waiting for my flight... because I cannot afford to be delayed again... WHEW! Today is not my day... and I am thinking really of all these series of unfortunate events... the dress... I almost didn't make it to Palawan since we were late... and did I tell you I bought a shades and lost it again in the same day... Well... so much has been wasted really and today I think should be the last... kasi to the nth level na ito...

My flight is connecting from Palawan to Manila then Manila to Dumaguete. I was so excited for the day since I know I will be finally home. I have been having this *kilig* feeling about the whole trip and I don't know why. Well... to cut it short... the flight to Dumaguete was delayed and so I took the opportunity to go to the office and process Kim's hospitalization and to retrieve the leave database so I can work on it these days that I am on vacation. Well, I'd still would want to call it a fortunate event... that I didn't make it to my flight. Wow... but seriously... I am so down and really pissed. I don't know whom to blame... the taxi cab brought me to the wrong airport... instead of NAIA 1... he brought me to NAIA 2. Whew! Anyhow... and so I made it... I run... and then I saw the bridge closing and I was at the gate already...

And so here I am... crying in desperation to book for a flight to Cebu or Bacolod maybe... well... Air Philippines Customer Service really sucks... I am sorry for the term... it was really a bad experience really... and I feel such a loser in their eyes... well... it was really my fault and so here I am asking for help... and wow... thanks because they made my life even worst. I can't do anything about it so I guess that will be the last time I will fly with Air Philippines.

The day isn't that bad at all... perfect moments still outnumbered the bad ones... Thanks to my friend Glenda... who works at Philippine Airlines for the help. She booked me to Cebu... and everything went well... the guy who assists me in my ticket make things so simple and comfortable for me... even the person in the checkin counter even accomodate my 3 kilos excess baggage for free. SO applause and thanks to PAL.

I am about to board already. So till next adventure... will be in Cebu tonight.

On my third month and counting...

2007-10-22T19:22:00.000+08:00

I am almost on my third month now in my new abode... hehehe! I know I have been telling my friends about how I have been having all these little discoveries from the Iron thing to the lamp lantern.... from my bedroom sleeper with rug to the shower caddy... and even to myself... Oh I am loving it... *kilig* Truly this is what you call "loving and living the life.

Here's some pictures:

Some of my little things:

Well... all these happened in God's graces and provisions indeed. Sobrang dami ng blessings... I just can't hide it...

Celebrate LIFE...

I can't believe I just lost it...

2007-10-22T09:00:00.000+08:00

I don't know how you'll call it but yeah, I know it seems really a stupidity of me. I bought a dress in Peppered Cherry at Serendra... it's a simple, tube-long dress that I was hoping to use in three different ocassions: Red Carpet night in Palawan this Friday, Our office Xmas Party and RA's Wedding. And whew... for whatever it takes I really felt resentful of losing it and worst because I just left in the cab. Lesson learned but so hard way yet... I think I just have to hope the driver would return it. If not, then its, not meant to be... kasi naman... I really have that talent no... hayyy!

IRON Thing

2007-10-21T18:34:00.000+08:00

Wow... I have a new discovery... My IRONBOARD AND IRON HOLDER!

I am not sure if this is new but I just discovered it... and I find it so practical and at the same time stylish for my new pad. I am making my home as comfy, cozy and minimal as possible. So this is such a big help. See for your self...

I think this is practical for its price. Availabe at MAKE A ROOM - Rockwell.

Retail Night... a Night to Remember!

2007-10-15T12:09:00.000+08:00

It was truly a fun, laughter and bonding night for the RETAIL and E-CS Module last Thursday, October 11. I thank the management and service team for ELBOW Room for being so accommodating of us. Few weeks back, from the reservation, food, down to the actual night they were so kind to give in to our requests. Thank you again to the Management of Elbow room!
* Applause! *

Well, it was a tiresome yet really fun night. Aside from the games that we had, there’s so much joy in the event. I personally call it “THE REALIZATION NIGHT”. There’s unlimited singing and billiards that we even went home at 3am already. I had fun really in spite and despite of whatever I have gone through for the event. I am a bit teary-eyed remembering all of those. Not to put so much drama on it but really… it was all worth it. For at the end of the day good intentions prevail…

To THE RETAIL Team and to Sir Alde, thank you for making it a fun night possible. Please see pictures!

Ang saya... Captured Moments... and More to come....

Inner child treasures...

2007-10-03T14:32:00.000+08:00

I received this gift from a friend last September 26. Never got to find time reading it since I have so many things to read for school. Yet as I was browsing it, I know that this is a "must read". I promised to read the book before the month ends. Hay... I have to manage my time really as I know things are not so well with in my system now. Things are so shaky and I am not sure if I know how to dance...

Thanks Elle... I never got to verbalize this... and thanks for being there always. Whenever I think of how much I am loved by friends like you it never failed to lift up my spirit no matter how downhearted I am. Thanks really for all the support, prayers, understanding, just being there and most of all for the love... *teary-eyed* Thanks for blessing my life with the gift of friendship and family I have with you.

She's a BIG GIRL NOW!

2007-09-28T14:03:00.000+08:00

Not sooo long time ago... Cathy's news of her getting married... was truly a shocked for Pot, Reng and Me... Whoa... who would've thought, Cathy is the most dorky, nerdy and so "manang" among the barkada. Not to mention that she does not even miss class no matter how much we convinced her and among the barkada I am the one who actually considers housewife my ultimate career. NOW she is finally a wife to Marvin and a mother to Yuri. Yuri is our first baby and with his coming I know it opens another avenue for us to be closer all the more. Actually, in all those tough times I know no matter the distance, we always have each other... Funny, how things can be so ironic at times. I always wanted that kind of life: Housewife and a Mom... But this isn't about me... This is about Cathy. Now seeing how are things with her and how she manages to see through it makes me soooooooo proud of her. She is sooooooooo grown up now. From us talking about work, books, latest cellphones and all sorts now to us talking about marriage, real-life issues, and most of all about YURI.

Congratulations Cathy and Marvin.

Not another HR THING!

2007-09-28T01:13:00.000+08:00

It's been weeks now since I am trying to find this book: Tomorrow's HR Management: 48 Thought Leaders Call for Change, but I failed everytime. I don't know why this is not so commonly available and after browsing through its outlines and reading the reviews this seems to be very helpful. It opens a different perspective on how HR can be a business partner instead of the usual routinary admin and personnel thing.

Anyhow, as I was calling all the big bookstores I know here in the country the Customer Service Rep was kind enough to let me know that there is already a new edition: The Future of Human Resource Management: 64 Thought Leaders Explore the Critical HR Issues of Today and Tomorrow

Well, change is really inevitable. So here I am trying to figure out if buying the new edition is better (well for one, the new edition is available) and it is really very costly. Yeah, education and learning is really a cost. Hayyyyy!

Well this can be part of my WISHLIST... Anyone?

On my own now?

2007-09-26T16:20:00.000+08:00

Well... last September 1st I finally went out to be on my own... hahaha! Well, to some of my friends this is a bit tiring since I have moved out twice this year already hahaha! Can't really make up my mind... but yeah... this time around is different: I AM ON MY OWN...

It was a mixed feeling of excitement and anxiousness... Really... I am so excited to finally have a place of my own... I feel so grown up... hahahaha! Most of all, it feel so liberating... yet I am also a bit scared: loneliness, errands, responsibilities all sorts...

Well... the first 2 weeks was not that good at all but still I know I am blessed... I slept on the floor with matress on, I only have Electric Iron, Ironing board, electric pot, some kitchen utensils, and my books... I was even sick on the first week. Maybe it has something to do with the paint fumes... but wait I have some interesting stories to tell:

There was this day when I went down to get something assuming that I left the door unlocked... when I came back... it was locked. I was on my PJ's and yeah the keys are inside so I have to climbed through the tree, off to the roof then to my window... well... it was quite liberating when I managed to get in through the Window Grills... I need to destroy the lock and really I did it... using the Saw and hammer... Well... I'm a big girl now... Later that night, I went to buy lock for my window... I know you will laugh your heart out if you'll know that the following day I did the same mistake again... but since there are still good people left... someone came to help... a Neighbor of mine... and yeah He is married... hahaha... so not another romantic story... hahaha...

Want more? Well... the reason why the apartment is quite cheap compare to the usual rent here in MAKATI is simply because... it gets flooded everytime it rains. Yeah... it can go as high as your waist. I am not kidding...well... that's what the people said but yeah... one day I'll take a picture and I'll post it here. Though twice this month already, I managed to ride a "PEDICAB" (its a bicycle with a side car, that's the best definition I can give.... hahaha!) with your feet up... and it was fun! Really it was fun... seeing the kids actually swam through the flood... I know for most its gross especially that the water is so dirty and all... but it reminded me to be grounded and learn from the faith of a child.

Interesting right? Well, this will top it all... I went home late one evening from a weekly meeting with my SFC friends when a man with a child approached me... he was asking for help since the child has been sick for days and it seems that it gets weaker everytime... I was with Ate Cha and so we decided to bring them to the hospital. As per the father, will proceed to Pasay Gen Hospital and so we went... wow... it was a surprised for me since it seems that I went to wrong place... when in fact i knew we were supposed to be in the emergency room... and we really are... its just that the people are so into it already that they don't seem to be panicky about things... well not that they should be panicked but I somehow expect that they will attend to every sick people who came in immediately. Well, since its a public hospital, you need first to buy the things needed before they'll attend to you... and so maybe, its not that critical for them... Will give them the benefit of the doubt... Anyhow, hours passed and it seems that nothing has been resolved. I was asking Ate Cha if we can leave and just give them money since really the family don't have any at all... :-( and I was humbled when she said "will stay a bit, they need us physically here more than the amount we can give"... and yeah... so we spent the whole time, helping the father with the medication for the Kid... comforting the lola who feels so down... asking about the mother? Well... they have issues to solve and so she left just that morning... But there's a light to it: at least they own a house here in the city and that they have people who are renting some part of it. There are just a few lessons we all need to learn... I particularly learned from there. I was confronted by the two things I fear the most: Ending up with the wrong person, at the wrong time and at the wrong reasons and growing old and not happy with my past. Whew! God is soooo good!

Now, I managed to buy some other stuff I need: Refrigerator, Rice Cooker, Mini Table, Some Accessories.... and all sorts... in the words of my friends: "Isa isa lang... you'll get by"
What's the best part: its so liberating and it gives you a better perspective of yourself - now I can finally call this MINE and not OURS! hahaha!

So here's some of the pictures I took... :P

Wanna visit me? :P

Relaunched again?

2007-09-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

For a while now I am thinking if blogging is for me... hahaha... especially if you have friends who makes blogging part of their daily lives... well... i am really trying... so I can be as consistent as possible...

So this is it...

I am modifying my previous blog so I can share it to everyone... and of course... to grant my friend's request to make blogging really a hobby... well... what do you expect... HE IS THE FATHER OF PHILIPPINE BLOGGING and most of all a BLOG GURO! and yeah being one of his closest friends makes me just so proud of him: GWAPO NA... MATALINO... MAYAMAN PA... so single ladies what are you waiting for??? Visit his site: http://www.yugatech.com/blog/

So here's to more blogging...

Online Relationships...

2007-09-25T01:02:00.000+08:00

On line friends? On line lovers? Familiar ba? I know this kind of relationships happen once in a while yet the fact remains it can be.

Sometime in 1999, this friendship was made. I was sixteen then and after all these years... the friendship have truly evolved... from us spending weekends on fun fun fun activities... from overnight outing to billiards to bowling or just simply chill out at Yuga's pad in Bangkal. Now we truly share each other's triumphs and defeats. We have gone this far to even healing broken relationships and keeps on forgiving each other. There were days of zero visibility and yet we always have that connection and bond. Most of all, we never leave no one behind yet we allow them to have their own space and time to be on their own.

How did it started? Well... we have knowned each other through the famous REBELDE.COm to Grabeh.com... who have thought after all these years... we still do have each other as family... There were new additions... there were those who left and we know as time changes and as we have our own different lives we still have each other.

How sure I am? Well... Kuya Alwell and Ate Vicky, Kuya Chuy and Ate Charmaine were online lovers... and after all the odds... they both are happy couple and all of us share the responsibility of rearing and making sure that Heaven, Louis and Thor will grow as a better individual.
Gen and Benee, wow after three long years of separate lives who would ever thought they can still share future together as a couple and even willing to go back to zero just to start all over again. At the end of the day, what is three years compare to eternity?

For Yuga and Me? There's more to us being single... hehehe. Yuga can testify how much the friendship have gone beyond our online community and even his current online communities... and for how far and great he is right now advocating blogging here in the country and outside, we truly are proud of him. "Si Yuga pa... anak nga naman ng Diyos yan..." Well, as for me, I am so assured that this is a friendship for keeps.

And asking for impossible? The reunion last Wednesday and the wedding last Thursday was a great start. Broken relationships? Well, Ali and I are somehow ok. All things that starts well, ends well. We have one great friendship then, we are still not there really friends... but we're getting there... in time. And for whatever happened in the past, I think it helps us become better and stronger... even the friendship becomes more enduring. With Tin's addition to the group, and surely more will, as we expand and grow in our own pace... and someday settling down.

Online relationships is a once in a lifetime opportunity... I know for I have seen few... at the end of the day, its how much you make things work and how much love you have given into it that matters. Compatibility and backgrounds are just secondary.

Hay... wish Kuya Chuy and Ate Charms were there... one day... soon...

You may visit this site for more pictures: http://www.yugatech.com/photos/

Love is lovelier the second time around...

2007-09-25T00:58:00.000+08:00

What about love for the second time?

Last June 27 was a blast for us: Vicky, Alwell, Ali, Tin, Yuga and me. It comes so surprising yet we can’t help but feel happy for Kuya Bes.

It started with Ate Benny leaving for the states to work… well… as the cliché goes: “Long Distance relationship don’t work”… so three years ago she broke up with Kuya Bes. But all these years… we all knew that someone is hoping and for whatever it takes I guess it’s all worth it for Kuya Bes.

Sometime this June, Ate Benee came home… sabi nga… sa hinaba haba man ng prosesyon sa simbahan pa din ang tuloy… this time might not be in the church but yeah… they finally tied the knot last June 28, 2007 at the municipality of Taytay, Rizal. It was a very intimate celebration, it was only the family of the couple and Us – their beloved second family who were there to celebrate with the newly weds.

What can I say? Love is truly lovelier the second time around...

Congratulations Kuya Bes and Best Wished Ate Benee!

one fine day! so How about TOWING?

2007-09-25T00:56:00.000+08:00

originally posted last June 26:

The day has been so hectic and busy... well... like any other days... but still it was a fine day... What could I say? In these days that change is so possible and things could happen the least you expect it, it made me smile and excited in the days to come... but so much with all these work and busy days... minsan na bang na tow yung car nyo? Layo no? But yeah... did you ever experience that hell of negotiation?

Hay... We were in Starbucks Levisted this afternoon for a meeting... and yeah... we park exactly in front of it and we even pay the parking. Came five in the afternoon, the guard told us that they are towing the car kasi bawal na daw pag five o clock... and they really did... well... What can we do but negotiate... It was really a shame kasi andun pa ung ka meeting namin and here I was in dress and a bit formal... negotiating not to tow the car... kawawa naman si RB... Kainis talaga! RB owns the car and yeah... he wasn't at all agreeable to the idea to bring his car... and yet... na tow pa. Grabe talaga... ask how much we pay them? Hay... its Php 1000.00. Ayaw pa ng 500 ha... well... if only we were not in a hurry that time and if only its my car, I don't think I will negotiate...

Sabi nila... dapat hindi daw dapat tow ung car kasi naabutan pa namin silang mag tow pa lang... and still... hayyy... but lesson learned talaga yun... I was a bit upset at that moment... but I think it was a pretty cool experience... at least may naiba today...

Still a one fine day... Oh by the way, my officemates are in Salt and Pepper right now, its the turn over party and announcement of the new Social Committee Members here in our office. I am actually one of the new members... so... cheers and good luck to me! and to them... :P

Where do you go when you're LONELY?

2007-09-25T00:52:00.000+08:00

Wohoo... is this truly a nice start?
Well... not because I am lonely these days... and I am not being defensive here... because I don't think I am... this is just because one Saturday, I came across this YM status message of a friend/officemate... and it made me wonder? yeah... where do I go when I am lonely?

When all things failed and whenever I feel like the whole world is upon me... wow... lalim naman... but yeah... whenever I need someone to vent with... I usually seek refuge to my dad... I told my friend... I usually go home in my province just to breathe... So the next question is: How many times do I usually go home? Well... my answer to this would only equates to how many times I used to be lonely... well... and for the record... last year was a hit... I went home nine times in just a year... So it must really be a lonely year... LOL! Well... I guess I can't hide it...

But really... I know this is truly a cliche... but some people said that being alone doesn't mean their lonely... For years now, I have been living on my own... and there are days I just want to be with the crowd of people but there are days really that I wanted my own space... and yet there are days that even if I am with a crowd of people I still feel that I am invisible... HUh... Zero visibility... seems like a familiar line huh!

And with every phase... you learn... for at the end of the day... its the lesson learned from those circumstances that matters... ika nga... to each its own... and maturity comes from the way you handle it... for loneliness it just a phase and a state of being... it is truly healthy to be lonely at times only if you see yourself through it. As the line goes: "At the end of the day when it comes to it... all we really want is to be close with somebody..."

So that's why there's friends and families and special people in our lives ready to be there to hear our woes... Ayt?

So where do you go when you’re lonely?

Same Ground!

2007-03-09T09:57:00.000+08:00

I have not been really into blogging lately and today I was reminded to have one… well… Ate Vicks has one na… hay… It’s one of the project I am aiming to have this year – a blog with my own design and domain… what would you expect I am surrounded with friends who blogs a lot and is really good at it… even make money out of it…. Right Kuya Yugs and Kuya Bes? Hehehe… I really hope you’re sweet enough to teach me how to…

Today is March 9, 2007. What I have been into? Well… I was pretty out of sight these days… these are one the many days I am so anxious about so many things… But I am pretty happy though…

Sometime in January Pot came here to see me… (saying wala kaming Pics)… Well… we went to visit Cathy who is on her 3-month pregnancy… she is finally settling down and pretty happy with how things are going for her. It was a surprised for all of us to learn the news but seeing Cathy coming out from her comfort zone… in spite of the jumpy bumpy situations she is in right now… and all these issues… she came out victorious and still being mayabang about it… hehehe! Hay… really wished Reng is here… it could have been happier planning two weddings of your two best buds in college… it was a bonding… and Pot and I were truly happy to see everything is ok for Cat… Well… we’re all excited… Cathy will finally walk down the aisle this March… Well… it wouldn’t be complete with out Pot’s announcement… she too is getting married sometime in January 2008… WOW!!!

Reng and I were pretty excited for the two of them. Hay… we really have grown into the person we really want to be… slowly all things are falling in its place… at least for them… who would have thought? Among the four of us… I was the one who dreamt of getting married at 23! Oh… I am not losing hope here… hehehe… but I did cry when I realized that things weren’t the way I expect it to be… And during these days the more I longed for Reng to be here. Reng wish you were here!

Anyways, Pot and I really spent time with each other and truly this things I missed for the past years I was so busy with my own life: career and love life. Erick also spent time with us… hay… shawarma… mango passion on the side. Pot and I watched movie: THE HOLIDAY! Truly fun… and kilig! Again, it reminded me on the thing that truly matters in life: your relationships!

Speaking of wedding… my bestfriend from High School – Betchay finally set the date: July 2008! She rekindled with her first BF: Brian and now finally deciding to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Truly this year is a year of relationships unfolding and I hope it could be my year as well… (oppps! No reactions please!)
I might be single right now but I am truly happy. I went to Lanao last February 16 to 18 to attend the International Leaders Conference for SFC. Well, it was a conference of hope! It was not quite my best conference but God had reveal so much to me and I can’t just be excited but truly anxious about it… but again… I’ll be STILL!

I let go of my plans… and I am loving it… I just dive and indulge myself into… wow… its not easy I have to confess… I sometimes fell into my old ways and glad to be reminded every time to enjoy whatever comes along!

Whew! Speaking of BLESSINGS! Well… I went to Bukidnon on the 19th of February and I truly enjoyed it. I was truly hoping to have known the place and Kras’ Family during the time I want to run from the world… though I am planning to hibernate in there again… hay! I was in awed to see the Del Monte Pineapple farm… I was thrilled to see the mountains… I was so pampered with so many delicious foods they prepared for me: Poy’s Barbecue, Tita’s Biko and Ate Kayeng’s fresh fruit salad! And all of these are free! God is so good indeed!

Things happen so fast and my life drastically changes. I was so surprised in its simplicity, the beauty it offers and I am more thrilled on how I manage to confront things this time… I think I am over with me running away and shutting the world when things are not usual. Hay. I still stumble no… I am not living a perfect life free from chaos and pains… in fact I have lots of it… the difference is… I am trying to be better in handling it this time. There are lessons I need to repeat going through until I finally learn it. I still have my stubbornness at times… or most of the times… hehehehe!

Ah basta… it was worth all the pains…

~sweet sorrow~

2007-01-16T18:50:00.000+08:00

I had a wonderful start of the year and today has been such a long day but I am truly blessed. I do not know why but I woke up quite early - 4am... and so I am glad to start the day right! I had my daily prayer time... bonus... I had rosary since the Radio was airing it... and then my daily devotion and then read the bible... and oh well... been a busy day... but I am doing well and looking forward to my daily marathon of SOAPS... SUPER INGGO... SANA'Y MAULIT MULI... MAGING SINO KA MAN... PRINCESS HOURS. For the longest time I have been living a life of WORK... pretty struggling balancing on how to actually make a living and then enjoy it. And I have to say this... God really made a way of fixing my schedule so I can have a balance life... and little by little... He is fixing it... preparing me for a bigger role: Wife and a Mother... Wohoo... God is good!

New Work to start the year... an answered prayer... good schedule... good working environment... and good pay! hahaha!!! Galing ni God no? (See my Hopes for the Year: Good Career path and more meekness and humbleness.) Wait... there's more...

I attended the first Kerygma Feast of the Year... First HH... First Chapter Assembly... and above all... I am quite grown up now... Hehehe! I am missing Carmen, Elle and Bambi... but I am happy and really blessed having them. Well... God had to take them away from me for me to mature in HIM more... Yeboy!!! More Healing Lord... hay... (See my hopes for the year: More service, financial freedom and more Mission Work.)

I missed my HH... I missed Irvin though... things will be ok soon! (See my Hopes for the year: Emotional maturity and restore broken relationships.)

Above all, I had a good weekend. I went to Ongpin in the morning with my new boss: KRAS! We bought the wedding ring of my brother - Rex. Well, this is quite a test of truly surrendering. Well, I felt disappointed when he broke the news that he is getting married. I felt that it is not the right time yet... I felt tired realizing that I need him to rearrange our lives... but God is good to have change my heart... hay! I have realize... serving my family is a commitment to God... and change is for HIS doing not mine... So there.... I was actually happy doing all the preparations for the wedding! Will probably finish the give aways this weekend.

In the afternoon, Karen and I went to the office to clean up some files... oh! I am glad to have find a friend and a sister in her... Well... she treats me like her Ate... hehehe! Another way of God's wonderful plan in preparing me. Karen is a very sweet lady... nice and vibrant... and I really hope we can be together forever...

The highlight of the day... and my High for the week... RA got married to Bopeep yesterday.. we had the celebration last Saturday at Grilla, Libis... I felt proud and overwhelmed that He finally decided to settle down... hay... Swerte talaga ng mga Girls nila... Sam on the other hand is actually serious with Leizel... but above all... Erick and I were actually happy that all is well with me and Lally - his wife! It's been a year after all the commotions... Hay... she felt sorry for what she have done and I have truly forgiven her since then, and it was an answered prayer that she will finally accepts me as Erick's Best Friend (See my Hopes for the year: Emotional maturity and restore broken relationships.)

My Sunday was enriching as well... The Rainbow Conference was another affirmation on how God is preparing me... Hay! (See my Hopes for the year: Emotional maturity and restore broken relationships.) It was a teaching of the 7 Virtues of a Womanhood as represented in the colors of the Rainbow... Galing no... this is the beauty of having a community who will help you in your spiritual walk: from Infancy to Old Age!

Well, how can I not claim the victory now? I am winning... because CHRIST already won the battle for me... and I know I will continue winning... as Long as I seek HIS FORGIVENESS AND HEALING... in because HIS Grace means "you don't have to run anymore..."

ang haba na nito... more in the coming days...

Happy New Year!

2007-01-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!!!

Well… this is my first official entry of the year… with the new design and all. Redesigning the blog made me think of studying how to actually made one… could be one project for the year. Hehehe!!!

Well, I celebrated my new year in Negros with my family and whether it was full of festivity or not, it was indeed a wonderful time with my family. And I am pretty excited and anticipating for what the year has in stored for me. Grabe… there so much to look forward to… hay… and I feel so in love…

2006 was indeed a year of blessings… so many downfalls and frustrations when it comes to my career… finances… relationships… but I know I have to go through it to prepare me of HIS plans… hay… there so many times that I am confronted on the consequences of my past. But His grace is bigger than anything. In spite of my unworthiness… I am blessed indeed. There might be lamentations…. But there’s hope in HIS love and grace.

I had a pretty good start of the year. And I am claiming it. THIS IS MY YEAR! And I know and understand better now why all things happened!

5 Hopes:
Emotional maturity and restore broken relationships.
Good Career path and more meekness and humbleness.
Grace to correct past mistakes and good financial stewardship.
More service, financial freedom and more Mission Work.
Finally my GG will find me!

Is it too ideal? Well… in HIS grace and love, it’s not. He will make it happen for me as He sees what is right for me. These are all hopes but I will claim His blessings upon blessings. I am truly victorious since He already won this battle for me.

Good start… more blessings… more pains… and I am more victorious.

May you have a hopeful this year! How?
"My portion is the LORD, says my soul; therefore will I hope in Him..." Lamentations 3:24

dropping by...

2006-10-26T06:55:00.000+08:00

wow... i have not been posting lately and i am just overwhelmed on how things move so fast in my life. i said good bye and then said hello... i might be gone for a while again... then back to blogging and all. i just need to re geared up myself... need to fix things on my own and hopefully gets back in time. hay!!!

"My portion is the Lord, says my soul; therefore will I hope in him." - Lamentations 3:24

~sweet yet painful~

2006-10-11T05:23:00.000+08:00

sometimes it would be better if you'll just let things out in the open than one day realizing that you lost it all... hay... after that conversation, it made me think whether it was a wise decision forgetting what we started and choose the one who's persistently there... it was truly a sweet revelation knowing how much he wanted me there and how grateful and happy he is for my existence in his life... but at the end of the day... he is not ready to commit still... the painful part is, no matter how nice, ideal and can glorify God our relationship is... we need to let it go... it's bye bye bye now... it would be unfair to the other party holding to someone who were never sure what his intentions for me.

hope things will be right this time.

~crossroads~

2006-09-28T09:35:00.001+08:00

Can you stay waiting for that someone who were never there all along???
Can you just simply be with that someone knowing you have been preserving your life with someone else???
Hay... crossroads... missing dad and mama...

~sharing~

2006-09-13T12:44:00.000+08:00

Just wanna share this with you... and I hope you'll be blessed...

"When Nes and Elle asked me to share tonight I initially said no. Not because I don’t want to but I feel so unworthy. And with that, I hope that beyond my sinfulness and imperfections, you’ll see how the grace and love of Christ moves mountain in me.

I am so arrogant and despised SFC. I had my bad notions of the community. For me and some of my friends and that include my X-BF, we called it SINGLES FOR COUPLE. And since I am not in a way looking for someone then… I know it will never be my kind of thing. I was in a relationship for almost 5 years, we’re kinda engaged. So mayabang ako… Lent of 2004, I attended one of Bo’s powerful Lenten retreats and there I know it started. I had a wonderful confession with Fr. John; he was somehow clairvoyant and the moment I stepped into the confession room he told me I was dying spiritually. Yeah I know I am… so after that, I tried to walk in HIS light. I was slowly growing in love with Christ, but I need to give it up because it was too mushy for him. After 5 years… it ended… leaving me wounded… but guess what? God wants to write my love story…

And truly He is a God of impossibilities and I know He has all the power to change things… and he wants me back… Can things get worst than losing a relationship you have cared for the past years… losing people you thought your friends with… losing a promotion and blagag… I was out of the lime light. That was strike one…

Then I attended the CLP simply because I am loving the talk, I don’t want to commit, more so join SFC Makati… I don’t seem to fit in… Mayaman kasi mga tao… dami pang conio… and God change my view on it and my whole life. He slowly filled the void in me. He slowly made me the woman He wanted me to be. And I slowly commit myself to service. So after I graduated I told myself that I will serve him all the more. It started with me in our household and I would like to honor them for their willingness to serve is so overwhelming that you can’t say no and the feeling is so comforting. More so, my household heads truly brings out the best in each one of us. Above all, the people serving in the community are so inspiring and wow… everything is just so perfect and God did pamper me… wow… I felt like I am soaring… exaggerating as it may seems but I feel so in love with everything I am doing. I don’t want to stop.

And God is such a good God… He stripped me off… the struggles never ended the day I said yes… but it come in numbers and worst I lose my job… I was so shattered so I decided to pack my things and left for Negros. I was loving my life there but something is missing. I realized my life is no longer there and I can no longer walk in my own footprints again… I need to go back here… and start all over again… it was all about FAITH AND SURRENDERING… deciding for the things that I want and having Christ on the side... I was missing my household... and whatever happened... it did not stop me from serving... and each trying times I felt God’s peace within me. All the more I wanted to serve. And God gave me all the opportunity… the tasks so overwhelming and truly it is in serving you’ll realized your purpose. He gave me the best people around to help me in my Christian walk, Nes, Elle, Jason, Pats, Taffy, Chacha, Ray… Just to name a few.

I was back in time for the MMLC and WOW… it was so powerful. God is amazingly good, in spite of the oppressions… He gave me the humility to accept things as they are. I had my disappointments during the event… and knowing me… I am good in complaining… but it taught me to see and to appreciate what is there and what the conference had to offer. I was crying listening to the talks and how affirming and healing it was. For so long, I thought I am done and over with my past, and that I finally forgiven the people who have hurt me but I was wrong. I felt all the bitterness… pains… I felt so wounded and I know why God let me realized that during Pat’s talk. It was because he wanted me to be truly healed with HIS Grace and he wanted me to have HIS true peace and not the peace I attempt to create. Truly, I did not just forgive them, but I longed for their forgiveness. And I am still a work in progress…

The conference is one of God’s many ways in letting me realized what it means to serve, and because God has blessed me with so many wonderful things that I truly needed: wonderful household, who never gets tired of serving and saying yes to GOD; a dynamic chapter who literally change my view about the community through their selfless desire to honor GOD; a not so-Christian family who inspires me to do more for God and hoping one day they will see how God literally humbled me and most of all a new-job I can earn my living with and continue to help in HIS mission, I am committing myself to serve HIM in my best and wonderful days.

Friends, believe me, you’ll find your purpose in serving and I am not offering a bed roses, I am not even saying it will make you a perfect, for I still do worry a lot of times, whined about things, sin most of the time but at the end of the day I know I will never feel unworthy of His love because it is so comforting and it keeps on embracing me no matter how many times I fall and I’ll find Joy to seek HIS righteousness… Am I well enough to face the world again? Well, yeah!!! Because after I lose everything, I gained one true friend who will never leave me, no matter what… well, HE MADE ME GROUNDED… on my toes up and well… and whatever it is… I will answer His call… I will serve Him all the more. And I hope and pray God will continue to nourish me and will always cling to His love at times I thought I am nothing. I hope you’ll pray for me as well. “Where is true joy? It’s found in God’s brand of love – love founded on faithfulness, love rooted in commitment.” God’s abundance is unlimited… it cannot be measured…"

~holding on~

2006-09-11T13:50:00.000+08:00

What could be more hopeful than this: “I will never give it up because it’s you who gave it to me… and I will never give up on you…” hopeful right? But I am not waiting because He is at the end of this… I am waiting because I have a covenant to protect.

A nice ‘lil thought from Paolo Coehlo: "In real life, love has to be possible even if it's not returned right away. Love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.”

Ra...Ra...Ra...

~discerning~

2006-09-05T15:55:00.000+08:00

It’s been a week now and we are not talking still… Mind you it sucks… I am really sad… this is so unusual… I want to go now… but my heart is telling me to stay… to hold on to one truth that we have… and that this is the will of God… I am a bit excited on God’s plan for us… Maybe he just wanted this time to think and to ponder upon… should I wait? Hay… until the day I am ready to go… as long as we are prayer partners… I am waiting and hoping but not expecting…

the hardest thing...

2006-09-03T21:32:00.000+08:00

what could ever be hurtful than letting go of someone... and what do i have to let go... i know, time will come i am going to laugh about this... but certainly, this is indeed the most painful feeling I have experience. I know I'll get by... I am good at it... I know one day... sometime soon... all things will be in placed... I am anticipating... excited... I am at peace but i am sad and hurting... why? how? maybe in time... been weeks of me crying... and i still want to cry for more... hoping ill find the answer... loser? yeah... but not quitter. What will happen now? Well, life goes on...

What it Means to be Single

2006-08-07T10:53:00.000+08:00

Even though it often seems that God is slow to answer prayers, no matter whether it's about a mate, or a job, or our children, or our finances, or anything else, we have to remember that God doesn't wear a watch. Nor does He look at our human calendars. He sees with eternal eyes. He operates on an eternal timetable, according to His plan and His schedule.

If God seems to be running late, don't get impatient and run ahead of him. Wait for the Lord's timing in everything. To the single folks out there, this is for you.

1. SINGLE GIVES YOU SPACE TO GROW. Sometimes, it's harder to grow when you are too close to someone. Trees are planted far apart so they can spread their branches and become strong as they mature.

2. SINGLE MEANS LEARNING TO LIVE BY YOURSELF. That is, however, no more difficult than learning to live with somebody else.

3. SINGLE MEANS FREEDOM. You are free to spend a week's vacation on the beach, to take computer classes, to work late on an interesting project, to spend the day in bed with a good book or simply with somebody.

4. SINGLE MEANS LEARNING NOT TO NEED A MAN/WOMAN TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MEANINGFUL BUT LEARNING TO LIVE WITH A MAN/WOMAN BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE WITH HIM/HER.

5. SINGLE MEANS THAT SOMETIMES YOU WILL WONDER WHY YOU WILL BITE YOUR LIP AND FEEL WISTFUL AND WONDER IF MARRIAGE IS BETTER.

6. IRONICALLY, YET QUITE HAPPILY, SINGLE IS FEELING GOOD ABOUT BEING IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. It is liking and respecting who you are and why you are.

7. SINGLE IS REALIZING THAT BEING MARRIED IS NOT NECESSARILY BETTER, IT IS MERELY DIFFERENT.

8. SINGLE MEANS THAT THERE COULD BE SOMETHING WONDERFUL AROUND THE CORNER AND YOU CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.

9. SINGLE MEANS YOU ARE FREE TO LOVE AGAIN. There are times when we are afraid of telling\nthe person what we feel deep inside because we might just lose them.

Go Singles... enjoy and live life...

GROUNDED

2006-08-07T10:43:00.000+08:00

Today is August 7, 2006. Wow it’s been a while since the last time I had worked… Am I missing something here? Well, honestly, it was not easy… my friends literally knows how much I value my job and the fact that I am not used of asking help from someone else and truly this is not so me… well, I am glad that God made me the woman He wanted me to be. I still do worry sometimes but at the end of the day I know I am well taken care of… I know this cup will be over soon… He is truly a God of impossibilities and I know He has all the power to change things… but I know he wants me back… Can things get worst than losing a relationship you have cared for the past years… losing a dear friend (not for a bad reason, but sometimes we need to be separated from people dear to us)… losing a promotion… losing my savings… and worst… losing my job… Am I well enough to face the world again? Well, yeah!!! Because after I lose everything, I gained one true friend who will never leave me, no matter what… well, HE MADE ME GROUNDED… on my toes up and well… and whatever it is… I will answer His call… I will serve Him all the more…

I was reading a blog of a person I knew so long time ago… a one dear friend then… and I know he would want to forget all of me, well… I hope he’ll realize I was sorry for what happened and truly I am happy wherever he is right now. Reading all through it, it made me smile knowing he is so in love right now. Darn… people might not believe it, but I am truly prayin’ that finally he’ll be forever happy for the choices he made in the past. I have to be honest that there are times I’d wished we could be friends again and we will tell each other’s view on things… I am looking forward to that day he’ll finally walk down the aisle… and be with that someone no matter what… I know he will… *kilig*

Well… I have my life back and I am back… to service… but after I had a talked with an elder of the community I know I need to make a decision… For true love waits and I know I am taking the step towards another complicated relationship… and since we are both having a different life right now truly away from each other… undecided and uncertain what’s next… and since there is no such things as “mutual understanding” and “long distance relationship” and since I am quite confused where things going… and I know I have to make things clear before I drown myself with the thought that there is “us” at the end of it. This is pretty tough and I know pretty not easy for me to do… I am praying that God will give me wisdom to do what’s right. I have been praying for this person and truly letting go of him is much harder and painful. It matters to me really that we share the same faith… I used to claim he is my God’s gift, but if God has better plans for us apart then I’ll submit to his will. God is the only person who knows my future and will embrace me with my past. I am hoping waiting…

simply tiring... yet... learning...

2006-07-27T10:57:00.001+08:00

Well, its been two weeks that I am in Negros now... well... I gain weight a lot... and taba ko na... i was so so surprised that my pants and shirts almost don't fit anymore... hehehhe!!! well... i am enjoying really my stay here... though a bit sad but learning a lot...

i am pretty domisticated here... and i am learning being at home full time... dividing my time between cleaning... doing the laundry then preparing the meals... wow... more so... doing the food marketing... see my daily routine: (not quite on time but somehow...)

5am: jogging with dad
6am: preparing for breakfast and andrea's baon for school
7am: daily prayer
8am-10am: cleaning the house or doing the laundry or internet...
11am: preparing for lunch
12NN: Lunch...
1pm: paliliguan si kyle (my 5-yr old nephew) for school
2pm: accompany kyle to school...
2:30-4pm: siesta... reading books... or still doing some chores (depends)
4pm: bonding with my mom sa tindahan...
5:30pm: prepares for dinner
6pm: assists andre and kyle in their assignments
7:30: dinner...
8pm onwards... tv or might be sleeping na...

pretty relaxed right... but i am telling you being full time housewife/houdehld help is not a joke... and so tiring...

with my stay here... i knew and found out my purpose... my mission...

What a Life?

2006-07-20T11:46:00.000+08:00

Wow… it’s been sometime… and it’s been a roller coaster ride of emotions…

July 2-3, 2006: I was so lucky to have my household with me… we had our fellowship at Caleruega, Tagaytay, then Island Cove… Carmen, Hazel and I ended the night with a very meaningful conversation… can life gets better than this? Well… so blessed… and today I decided to let my love go… pretty tough decision… but I am at peace…

July 9, 2006: The next weekend… I went to attend the prison ministry… wow… truly in serving others you’ll find your purpose… and this day I commit my self to serve more… being with this people made me realize how much God have blessed me all these years…

July 10, 2006: I need to leave work and so I decided to go home in Negros for good… want know what I am feeling? SHATTERED!!! I felt so devastated and sad… and I want to go ask for shield… I cried the whole night and I know God had consoled me… I am truly unprepared…

July 13, 2006: I attended my household though I really do not want to… I can’t say goodbye to these people I have come to share my defeats and triumphs… but I need to… I was blessed on how they supported me… in my decisions, in my pains… how much they embraced me in my defeats… thanks to Ems, Tina, Claire, Irvin, Carmen, Bryan and Hazel… to those who silently wished for me: JR, Rhod, Melaine, Jhen, Art and Jean… thanks as well… I also went to see Jern… hay goodbyes…

July 14, 2006: For the first time… going back in Negros was so hard for me… I really do not know… but I don’t want to leave… all the while I thought that my flight is at 11am when it is supposed to be at 10am. So I was late, had it rebooked at 120am tomorrow… I went to see Ms Cecille for my clearance… then had dinner with Bryan and Hazel… can’t leave them really…

July 15, 2006: What a tiresome journey back home… to make the long story short, I have been traveling the whole night. I had hard time finding a cab when we arrived in Cebu, so I agreed to share cab with someone else… hay… and we became acquainted… I arrived in Manjuyod at 8am… went to see Dad and my Mother… my journey of soul searching now begin…
We had a delicious dinner… birthday party for dad… we ordered lechon… pancit… chopsuey… barbecue… etc… Dad was so happy and I am really overwhelmed…

July 16, 2006: I spent the day… nice learning: What one must do to grow: PACKING AND UNPACKING…

To date I am still here… enjoying life’s simplicity… I am learning to cook… I am doing household chores… tutor the kids… visit my friends and relatives… hay!!! With this, I realized my life is no longer here and I can no longer walk in my own footprints again… I need to go back… and start all over again… more grown up now… more responsible… and more love and trust… this is all about FAITH AND SURRENDERING… deciding for the things that I want and having Christ on the side... I am enjoying this journey ended...

I am still keeping my 5pm covenant... I am missing him each time but I am more responsible now...

I am missing my household... my GK... and my Prison Min... whatever happened... it will not stop me from serving...

At the end of the day... when you have played all your cards and you've run out of options... then God wanted you to know something... God tells you to rest...

May God be praised...

See yah soon...

The Sacrament of Waiting

2006-06-29T11:57:00.000+08:00

A very good friend of mine reminded me of this... Thanks Hazel...

This is an article written by: Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

Enjoy and be blessed...

The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve only also stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts that all the greatest deeds of deering-do go by the name of action.
Waiting is a mystery - a natural sacrament of life - there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.
Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting (testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in self-control.) We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend to call or show up for a date. We wait in line at cinemas and theaters, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one - or wait in sadness to say goodbye and give the last wave of hand. We wait for springs to come - or autumn - for the rains to begin and stop.
And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop.
We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success and recognition. We wait to grow up - to reach the stage where we make our own decisions. We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is a part of the tapestry of living - the fabric in which the threads are woven to tell the story of our lives.
Yet current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait "grab all the gusto you can get." So reads one of America's greatest beer ads - get it now! Instant pleasure, instant transcendence. Do not wait for anything. Life is short - eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you will die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom- pre-marital sex and extra marital affairs - they warn against attachments and commitments - against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us - against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and wait.
This may be the correct prescription for pleasure - but even that is fleeting and doubtful - what was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure - "Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated." Not if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, soul as well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For if we never learn to wait, we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves.
For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery, brushing by our face everyday like a stray wind of leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has loved knows how much waiting goes into it - how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.
Why is this? Why can we not have it right now what we so desperately want and need? Why must we wait - two years, three years - and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit - the seed to flower - carbon to change to diamond.
There is no simple answer - no more than there is to life's other demands -having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have made other commitments; or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives - having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your own path - good-byes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.
All we know is that growth - the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other a time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting - of being present without asking demands and rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It truly tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.
So lovers wait for each other - until they can see things the same way - or let each other freely see things in quite different ways.
There are times when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance of intimacy of the way they were. They have to wait - in silence - but still present to each other - until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.
What do we lose when we refuse to wait; when we try to find shortcuts through life - then we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of truly loving or of being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature - isn't it of their very essence that they are filled with this strange but common mystery - that waiting is part of the substance - the basic fabric against which the story of that true love is written.
How can we ever find either life or true love if we are too impatient to wait for it?
***********************************
Waiting is a good thing only if something is worth waiting for.
How will you know if it's worth it? Gut feel.
What if you don't trust your gut? Pray. You will be enlightened. Trust me.
Is it wrong to expect while waiting? It's not wrong, but it will increase your chances of heartbreak and disappointment if things don't work out in the end.
Is it good to expect while waiting? It is better to HOPE.
What's the difference between hoping and expecting? HOPING means you're open to either side of the coin landing though you're more inclined to believe that things will turn out well. EXPECTING means you're thinking single-track...which won't do you much good at all.
What's the difference between waiting and expecting? EXPECTING is waiting for something TO DEFINITELY HAPPEN. WAITING is staying where you are, but not necessarily expecting something to happen definitely.
Do you need assurance from someone you're waiting for while you're waiting? Ideally, yes. But realistically, do you really want assurance from this person? It's so easy to just point at something and make that the reason why you're waiting ("Because she said..." "Because he told me that...").
With WAITING, all you really can rely on are 3 things: your gut feel, your heart and mind. Just YOURSELF, not anyone else.
So should you wait? What does your gut say? How does your heart feel? What does your mind think? If they're saying different things, keep asking yourself these 3 questions (and pray!) until you get a solid answer.
THEN you'll know if he or she is worth waiting for.

I BARE MY SOUL… I BET MY LIFE…

2006-06-23T01:36:00.000+08:00

21st of June… I made myself vulnerable… and became intimate with him… Joshua Harris said that “the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment…” Am I ready to commit? Well… I have been committing myself to this person so long time ago… and simply because my love for him is a decision and come from loving Christ. I hope you’ll be blessed to read this… May God be praised!!!

Let me tell you this... not too long time ago… I found the seed of faith that God gave me… I was slowly growing in love with Christ but I need to give it up for my relationship then… we don’t share the same faith… our relationship was based on the world’s standards… our love for each other was based on how we satisfy and fulfill each other’s needs… our commitment and intimacy was based on the passion we have for each other… I would not say it was a bad relationship for because of it, I have become better… and I would always be thankful to Ali… after 5 years… it ended… leaving me wounded… but guess what? God wants to write my love story…

Latter part of my relationship then was a mess… then my cousin introduced me to Ryane… it started with hi and hello… the bet… the coffee… the books… and the rest was history… realizing how far we have gone through would really be a surprised to everyone… especially to those people who are close to me… why? HE IS EVERYTHING I WRITE AGAINST… But want to know the secret??? WE ARE PRAYER PARTNERS… the very day I knew him… I already asked God to nourish his faith… that we will someday shares the same love for Christ. I was not really a Christian then… but I kept on praying… then came a point my relationship enkindled… I need to make a choice… I silently said goodbye to him, (still have the letter with me…) I knew he became very special and saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do… months passed we seldom have talk and I thought that should be the thing… I made my commitment to make my relationship then work… but I never stop praying to God that He will nourish his faith and use him for HIS glory. True enough… I knew he was with SFC… I am not really convinced with the community he was in but still I am truly thankful. Then, the feelings never stop… the longing never ended… I kept on praying… that God would take him away from me… I fought hard each day… there’s no reason for me to fall in love with him… I prayed each day… submitting the desires of my heart to God and asking for what is right.

True enough… the relationship ended…. I was so devastated… who wouldn’t? I felt it was too late since I already commit myself to the relationship, planned my life according to it… I tried to bargain God… I always do that every time we had a fight… but He did not agree to it… I stopped trading… I rested… I stopped praying… but someone… somewhere… there’s this one person who is constantly praying for my happiness and for what is right in my life. He silently hoped and wished for my goodness… *kilig*

It was not an easy journey… but I was blessed that it never took me forever to accept HIS grace and HIS will. My birthday came and there I know God perfectly made things to happen… I was silently wishing, Ryane would call… for the first time after everything that happened I felt blissful… I can’t discern His will then… Ryane did call and the very first person who greeted me at 12 Midnight. He made this day special… with the flowers… I felt so happy reading the card that comes with it… I prayed for him again… this time, thanking God for answering my prayer. He did nourish Ryane’s faith… and even more…

Months passed and I knew… I have never let him go… and all the more I longed for him… but really God is a God of secrets… he did not reveal HIS plans sooner than I thought of… impatient that I am… I challenged HIM… this time… I was asking God to take him away from me if my feeling does not come from Him and if we are not meant to be… so I can preserve myself to the one I am truly meant for. I go on convincing myself it was over… and was holding on to God’s promise… My GG will come in HIS perfect time…

When God wanted things to happen… it will… “be careful what you wish for”, Joshua Harris said… God called me… He perfectly laid HIS plans… in spite of my prejudices against SFC CFC… he called me to serve in that same community I hated the most… I saw how he blessed Ryane with pains and joys… and I give it a shot… I eventually finished my CLP and the more I know God and how unconditional His love is, the more I waited for Ryane… wishing and praying for his happiness… because of God’s love in me… I learned to love someone with everything that he is…was and will be… and for the first time… statue was not an issue to me… luxury in life is just a bonus… what’s important is… he can be my prayer partner… someone I can praise and worship with… someone who is also so in love with Christ and will follow His will…

I let things unfold… and I am claiming it… He is my God’s Gift…

Well, after all this time… we finally have our commitment… and it’s a covenant we will protect. The prayer time we have… brings us closer to God and to each other… getting intimate with each other in Christ… enjoying friendship with Christ together… yearning to pleased God everyday of our lives… allowing God to use us to HIS pleasure and glory. I am not sugar coating and certainly there’s no smoke of clouds in my eyes. I am seeing the reality and that’s why I am asking God’s grace to continue nourishing us and hopefully we will grow in love in Christ. That we can faithfully and patiently wait for HIS perfect time. This is not an easy journey… I have my lonesome days and crying nights wanting to be with him… but God has better plans for us… and we are truly relying on HIS grace… all I know is that this is the kind of love God wanted us to have… unconditional… seeks one’s goodness, embraces one’s weakness, and willing to give ourselves for each other… Love that is deepens with our commitment to bring pleasure and glory to God. It is really a work in progress… thanks to our friends and family who keep on praying for us…

“Where is true joy? It’s found in God’s brand of love – love founded on faithfulness, love rooted in commitment. The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.”

Thanks Honey… I will remain in you as I remain CHRIST…

One Great Adventure...

2006-06-23T00:10:00.000+08:00

This is us... 14 different people... One goal: "ONE BIG FIGHT FOR THE LORD, YES LORD"

I HOPE YOU'LL BE BLESSED READING THIS AS I AM WHEN I HAVE THEM...

Rhod: very silent yet deep person... in his thoughts...How could you know it's the WILL of God when you have FREE WILL?

Melaine: sleep anyone??? Wow! I am truly amazed on how enthusiastic she is... not to mention she haven't slept for three straight days... Well, everything is GRACE in GOD!

Ems: she never ceases to smile... sweet and delicate... a faithful and committed partner!

Jhen: she almost would not make it... God tried to test her Faith then and truly a woman of strength...

Art: one great buddy... willing to do everything to help... willing to give her moves for the LORD>>> sayaw lang!!!

Tina: timid, shy... pretty... crush ng bayan... she can be extremely silent... but wait 'till you discover the humor inside her!

Claire: CLARA as we call her... she is the very friendly among... resident make up artist... she seems naive at times and can be extremely funny... she will quote your lines and imitate your moves! hay! CG is never funny with out you... and oh by the way, she has an eye for beauty!

Jean: a free spirited fashionista... she loves to dress up... thanks for lending us your wardrobe... you will be very overwhelmed when she dances... a graceful dancer and true servant... she never say no!

JR: our resident GUITARIST...CHOREOGRAPHER... and the very reason why all of us eventually love JAZZ Dance. He has been in the community longer than we thought of... KFC... YFC and Finally SFC... he is actually an active member of the community... a truly talented person and serves GOD with all his heart...

Irvin: he is our household head. I sometimes don't understand his views especially in a relationship but I am truly proud of him... we look up to him... he is very supportive in our Christian Walk and always willing to be with us no matter what... when and even how far it is... whenever we need a kuya... a friend or simply someone we just want to vent with!

Carmen: she is a true beauty inside and out... someone who never stop until she is there... she really manage to pamper us, be with us, share our sorrows, laugh with us, support us, especially me in all my "confused days"and even if how busy her schedule is she finds time... a very deep person and full of wisdom and always ready to embrace us in all our weakness!

Bryan: well... what can I say??? A true and committed friend... he is a person you will like to have as a best friend... he is always there and you can talk to him anything from a girl thing... life drama... mushy and cheesy love stories... sobrang lucky ng magiging girlfriend nito... a committed Christian and so in love with Christ... above all, will always find time for me and Hazel... Thanks Bry!

Hazel: someone I truly admired of! one woman who embodies a life of a true Christian... she never failed to lift up my spirit no matter how downhearted I am... my emotional support and someone I can be me... she will share your sorrows and joys with... she will really find time to seek and comfort you... she is everything to me... a friend... a sister and a family... above all, she is always there for me and Bryan...Thanks Haze!

To all of you: it will always be a joyful journey with you... thanks for all the love and support... i know life will never be the same without you and thanks really for the gift of friendship I shared with you... We may have different lives and different way of seeing it, I know we all have the same love for Christ and spirit in serving him... I am commiting myself to loving you in all your weakness...

God bless and may GOD be praised...All glory belongs to HIM...

No more slums… no more violence… no more poverty…

2006-06-13T11:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was GK National Freedom Build… and wow… God is so good and magnificent to have guided GK leaders and empowered them so that GK will continue to inspire people… believers or unbelievers alike…

I was so overwhelmed yesterday to be with the youth… and whew… these kids are truly worthy to be called youth for CHRIST… They are truly inspiring and believe me they worship GOD as if it will be their last worship… I felt so blessed being with them… I was crying and rejoicing that God is working in them. Instead of them spending their time at home watching TV or spending their time for pleasure, they choose to be with us… building houses… cleaning the area… playing with the street children… and they never get tired… truly amazing… what I am praying right now is that they will continue to be in service for God in spite of.

Speaking of service to the poor? This is what I love about this work… you’ve got to be with people who have different perspective about life. Wow… I felt I am back to my first love… PSYCHOLOGY… would you believe it that in spite of how good and how wonderful the vision and mission of Gawad Kalinga (GK), there are still people who are not welcoming it… despising it… When I first learned about the works of GK I fell in love with it right then and there and really push myself to be a part of it… I want to serve this people (that’s what I often told myself). I felt so bad when I was blurted with the reality that not all are happy and agreeable with it. We were having the clean up drive while the rest helped in building the house. Guess what? Filipinos are truly arrogant… sorry for the word and I know I should be proud of my “kapwa Pilipino”. But how could I be when they don’t even realized their blessing and all they can do is complain… they were provided with a decent house, yet they want to stay with their “barung – barong”. They were educated on how to do a living yet they opted to do chit chats with their neighbors and talk about the lives of other people. They were taught to maintain cleanliness yet they can’t even maintain their hygiene. I am not generalizing but truly I felt sad… and I am very happy that there are still people who continue to believe that there will be a better tomorrow for all of us. I went home with a heavy heart not that because this people are useless… but because I am so overwhelmed and my spirit is soaring high above anticipating the challenge I am facing… I will live to see these days renewed…

I am so blessed today… honestly, I am so broke but I am still joyful for God is so good. All this we give thanks and glory to God. May God be praised for every life that is changed… God bless everyone... Oh By the way... Thanks Bryan for being there with me...

Here and There... meeting both ends!!!

2006-06-03T03:58:00.000+08:00

"Lord if my feelings for him does not come from you and if he is not meant for me... then take him away from me..." I had this prayer a month ago... I have read the signs and I know... God has other plans... so I started to let go and forget about him...

While I was busy suppressing what I feel inside... and I finally affirmed the fact He is not coming back home... something happened... he had an accident... was unconscious... then he is back... truly God wanted me to know His plans... and all I could do is embrace it again... I hope we will both grow in love with Christ.

Today was a very powerful night... we prayed together... and my body and my whole being was rejoicing since God is working between us... I am so blessed and this is truly a dream come true... we made an agreement that we will find time to pray together regardless of the distance between us. It will be a time solely for us... our time for each other... 5pm here and 12 Noon there...

Can things get better than this? Nah... I don't think so... no one can ever satisfy you than GOD...

I still have the same prayer and I know God is working between us. I am surrending everything for His better glory. And I am claiming it...

All praises and glory belongs to GOD!!!

For Ryane... Get Well Soon!!!

2006-05-22T12:14:00.000+08:00

Truly God works in mysteroius ways...

Last Thursday night, I had a pretty short conversation with Ryane... and damn... I missed him... the line was cut off and I did not bother to call again, I went off to sleep... it will be another days of chasing rainbows and butterflies... I am not really sure what's God's plan for us... but I already have surrendered him to God.

I was on my home from Bagiou that Saturday night when Jern texted me that something happened to Ryane. I regret that I did not call him back last Thursday night. I was thinking that was supposed to be our last conversation had it been God did not give him another chance. Hay!!! I was so devastated and don't know where to get my strength when Jern told me Ryane had an accident, and he is unconscious. Since I was in the bus, I cannot cry my heart out. You know that moment in your life when you just want to fly and be with that someone.. someone you truly care and longed to be with. That was my moment and I wanted to see him... be with him... But all I could do is hold on and enthrust Ryane to God.

I was so down and God lifted me up. My heart's desire at that moment is for Ryane to hear me pleading... for him to come back. I was crying the whole night begging God... I once asked Him to nourish Ryane's faith and truly he answered it. Deep down in me is rejoicing at that time because I know God is really working in us. But I have to very honest, I was shattered and would not want to continue my CLP. I almost would want to let go... but God has been so good that he comforted me... consoled me. I am so blessed that I have this faith and truly God is true to His promise. Ryane is now conscious and is now recuperating. Thanks to those who helped me pray for his recovery.

I was with Jern yesterday, we attended mass. It was fun co'z being with him is like being with Ryane. I really hope Jern would realize what he wants and his personal legend.

TO Ryane:

Today, today I bet my life
You have no idea
What I feel inside
Don't, be afraid to let it show
For you'll never know If you let it hide

I love you You love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you will let me
I'll take what scares you Hold it deep inside
And if you ask me why I'm with you
And why I'll never Leave
Love will show you everything

One day
When youth is just a memory
I know you'll be standing right next to me

I love you
You love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you will let me
I'll take what scares you Hold it deep inside
And if you ask me why I'm with you
And why I'll never Leave

My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything
My love will show you everything

Truly everything works for good to those who love the LOrd...

God bless. Get well soon!!!

R E N G

2006-05-04T12:08:00.000+08:00

It's been days passed since Reng left and I cannot get over the feeling still...

Pot and I bid farewell to her last Saturday night. We went to see her before she left for Dubai... ganito pala un... We have not been together... as in really together lately... actually ever since Ali got into my life... but we knew we are always here for each other... I always know that... from the time I was so nothing and nobody... to the time I almost have everything... then to the time everything was taken from me... she was with me... in physical... in emotional... in her prayers...

We have ups and downs... We certainly have our differences but I know inspite of it all... she will always embrace me... whatever it takes!!!

Can this get any worst? Well, when she broke the news that she is leaving... I know, everything will change... alam mo yung feeling na andyan lang sya lagi... whew!!! hirap!!! Then all of the sudden she is gone... the selfish side of me... wanted to hold her... co'z life is never the same without her... but i know... she deserves it and I know in time, will be together again... I am truly happy seeing her thousand miles away from me because I know God has a perfect plan for her... i missed her and will always miss her...

God bless Reng... I'm just here... Keep on praying... love you!!!

my wedding song...

2006-04-07T13:41:00.000+08:00

*** dreamy eyed ***

If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles
I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
if I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there
If I believed in magic spells
It all would be so clear
'Cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future
I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I dont know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I cant deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there
I'm there
I'm there
If I believed.

for my mom...

2006-03-31T18:53:00.000+08:00

I am not really in good shape right now... still struggling with my finances... people i am dealing with... who seems so nice yet kept their own prejudice on me... hay... I am indeed that in GOD's perfection HE is merciful. I will be going home in Negros tomorrow... just to attend to my mother who is in the hospital right now. Well, please pray for her fast recovery and thanks to those who have been praying... I will be inaccessible at this time... you may text me in case you need anything... got a lot of things to tell you but i need to go now. God bless... ingatz!!!

just a note...

2006-03-27T20:04:00.000+08:00

... CROSSROADS... to be continued....

I would want to write my wonderful experience last weekend but I know... God wanted me to go home now... rest and preserve my body for another long day tomorrow... I went to the office at 4 am... I need to go home now... since I need to be back at 2 am... with all these... I GIVE BACK all the GLORY and HONOR to GOD... My Prince of PEace...

You are holy (You are holy)You are mighty (You are mighty)You are worthy (You are worthy)Worthy of praise (Worthy of praise)I will follow (I will follow)I will listen (I will listen)I will love You (I will love you)All of my days (All of my days)I will sing to
(You are Lord of Lords)And worship
(You are King of kings)The King who
(You are mighty God)Is worthy
(Lord of everything)I will love and
(You're Emannuel)Adore You
(You're the Great I am)And I will bow down
(You're my Prince of peace)before You
(Who is the Lamb)I will sing to
(You're my living God)And worship
(You're my saving grace)The King who
(You will reign forever)Is worthy
(You are ancient of days)I will love and
(You are alpha, omega)Adore You
(beginning and end)And I will bow down
(You're my Savior, Messiah)Before You
(Redeemer and friend)
You're my Prince of PeaceAnd I will live my life for You(Repeat above 2x)

-A Forever Kind of Love-

2006-03-24T14:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night's talk was indeed so powerful that indeed it could move mountains... WOW!!! The mountains in me... arrogance, pride, anger, resentment, unworthiness and all that crap in me melted and all I can do is run and seek HIS love... I was consumed with my personal struggles and that I forgot to that there is a life and sufferings outside my world and that whatever I am feeling right now is not a peculiar thing to linger upon... everyone has its own fare share of life's struggles and difficulties and it might be even worst that what I am going through right now. God has been so good to me... and even to you... Today I let go of my plans... to discern HIS WILL. This is not an easy decision but I know... this is because I LOVE HIM so and that unconditional love I forever longed for... could only be found in HIM... and it is only upon HIM I could found true happiness and acceptance.

"Lord today and onwards... I am yours... direct me to your pleasing will and I will give up everything for you."

not everyday is a sunny day...

2006-03-23T16:28:00.000+08:00

Well, kinda sad... there are things in life I would want to question... but all I can do right now... is cry and seek HIM... I would want to run to my friends... but all I can do is pray... and seek hihs GLORY... need to sing my heart out... Life is UNFAIR but GOD is FAIR... and I know in time... I'll understand all the things that I am going through right now...

Better Days
Dianne Reeves

Silver gray hair
Neatly combed in place
There were four generations
Of love on her face
She was so wise
No surprise passed her eyes
She's seen it all
I was a child, oh
About three or four
All day I'd ask questions
At night I'd ask more
But whenever, she never
Would ever turn me away
No, no oh woah
I'd say how can I be sure
What is right or wrong
And why does
What I want
Always take so long
Please tell me
Where does God live
And why won't
He talk to me
I'd say Grandma
What is love
Will I ever find out
Why are we so poor
What is life about
I wanna know the answers
Before I fall off to sleep
Woah ho woah ho
She saw the smile
As she tucked me in
Then she pulled up that
Old rockin' chair once again
But tonight she was
Slightly, remarkably
Different somehow
Slowly she rocked
Lookin' half asleep
Grandma yawned
As she stretched
Then she started to speak
What she told me
Would mould me and hold me
Together inside
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
She said all the things you ask
You will know someday
But you have got to live
In a patient way
God put us here by fate
And by fate that means
Better days
She said, child we are all
Moons in the dark of night
Ain't no mornings gonna come
Till the time is right
Can't get no better days lest
You make it through the night
You gotta make it
Through the night
Yes you do
You can't get to no
Better days
Unless you make it
Through the night (baby)
Oh ho, you will see
Those better days
But you gotta be patient
Be patient, oh baby
Be patient
Later that year at
The turn of spring
Heaven sent angels down
And gave Grandma her wings
Now, she's flyin'
And slidin', and glidin'
In better days
And although
I'm all grown up
I still get confused
I stumble through the dark
Getting bumped and bruised
When night gets in my way
I could still hear
My Grandma say
I can hear her say
I can hear her sayin'
You can't get to no
Better days
Unless you make it
Through the night (baby)
Oh ho, you will see
Those better days
But you gotta be patient
Child, do you hear me, yeah
Well, well, well, well
You can't get to no, no
Better days
Unless you make it
You got to make it
You got to make it
Through the night
Oh Grandma, oh Grandma
Do you see me now, lady
Oh oh oh oh oh

a sweeter song after the rope burned...

2006-03-17T11:47:00.000+08:00

Well, I am just a bit excited for everyone to see my new office... hope to get myself motivated... with the flower that beams smile on me... whew!!! This is all for the GLORY of GOD!!!

Well, I was attending a series of seminar right now... of which I opted not to disclose it yet until I am finish with it... asking why? That I need to figure it out... Well, the talk last night was indeed powerful and it cuts me deep!!! CHILL!!! I was in this crowd alone... I seated in the second row and nobody was on my side... not that there aren't plenty of people in there, but indeed the place was over swallowing of people overwhelmed with their desires and passion and I am alone in my row... did I feel bad??? Nah!!! Honestly, I did enjoy it... after the session... I also went home alone. WOW!!! I left the place with questions but I did not search the answers because I know in time I'll definitely find it. It also leaves me wondering why I am there. Well, to be honest... I wanted to get away with my busy life at work and do things that matters... though at the back of me, the reason has something to do with the emotional turmoil I am confronting right now. Well, who could blame me...? I am still a woman...

The night ended with one realization... I am pretty better off alone... and I love it... me in there... walking with all these strangers staring at me... and never did they realize what I've been through and what I am feeling at this moment... I am totally new in their eyes... I am singing a sweeter song now... and that empty vacuum in me... I know it will slowly be filled and I couldn’t ask for more... I LOVE HIM SO and I WILL PURSUE HIM!!!

...wake up... wake up... it's a beautiful day...

2006-03-13T14:32:00.000+08:00

My weekend was pretty relaxing… most of the time i just spent it at home reading... though I went out last Saturday night with my dearest best friends: Erick and Sam. We’d watch CASANOVA... it is a good date movie… but compared to PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, I’ll go for the second one… We went home kind of late since we still spent the rest of the night drinking. And guess what? I had my first TEQUILLA SUNRISE… and definitely the first time I tried to drink hard liquors… hehehe!!! Did I like it? Nah!!! I even hate the feeling after… so what’s good about it? I don’t know really… so I guess I’ll be back with my CALI and ICED TEA night… hehehe!!! I did have fun… especially that it’s been sometime since I went out with Erick… and I have to admit… I missed my dear friend… hay!!! And I know that even if we don’t see each other that often as before… we will always be there for each other… especially in bad times… like Saturday night… I know it was quite a comfort seeing him and I know I don’t have to worry in so many things since having him around makes my day... hay… in the words’ of Erick, “hindi nya alam kung anong mawawala sa kanya… so huwag mo na syang kausapin hangga’t hindi sya mauna. Matuto sya…”

Well, I know it will never be that easy but I know I have to do it… so good bye to him for now… this is what I hate about crossing the bridge… but I can’t blame him though… I decided to… so here I am feeling all the emptiness and longing and he is not there to conquer it…

By the way, I spent last night crying:)

"YOU ARE EVERYTHING I WRITE AGAINST..."

Memoirs of Geisha

2006-03-03T14:05:00.000+08:00

To those who have not watch it... please do... You may check the link above...

The story really reminds me of the girl I once knew... full of courage and was never afraid to pursue her dreams regardless of what... as her line goes... "I can walk on waters... because I know where the stones are..." Well, where is she now? I'll tell you if she comes back... for now I do missed her... so much...

Well, famous line is..."every step I have taken has been to bring myself closer to you..."

What’s the reason for ashes on Ash Wednesday?

2006-03-01T15:41:00.000+08:00

I got this article from this site: http://www.kencollins.com/question-02.htm

As you know, Jesus retreated into the wilderness and fasted for forty days to prepare for his ministry. It was for Him a time of contemplation, reflection, and preparation. By observing Lent, most Christians join Jesus on His retreat.
Lent consists of the forty days before Easter. In the western Church, we skip over the Sundays when we count the days of Lent, because Sunday is always the joyful celebration of the Resurrection. Therefore, the first day of Lent in the western Church is always a Wednesday.
Biblical societies relied very heavily on wood fires for heating and cooking, which meant that keeping ashes under control was a major housekeeping task. Then as now, if a person was preoccupied with something serious, they didn’t always tend to the housekeeping—it’s the least of their concerns. Imagine that there is a death in the family. A friend stopping by to pay their respects might gently say, “Did you know you have ashes on your face?”
So ashes became a sign of remorse, repentance, and mourning. Today someone might wear a black armband to signify that they are in mourning; back then people put ashes on their foreheads.
You can find biblical examples of this in 2 Samuel 13:19, Esther 4:1-3, Job 42:6, and Jeremiah 6:26. During Lent, ancient Christians mourned their sins and repented of them, so it was appropriate for them to show their sincerity by having ashes on their foreheads. The custom has persisted in the church as secular society has changed around us.
It is most appropriate on Ash Wednesday, when we begin a period of sober reflection, self-examination, and spiritual redirection.
Traditionally, the ashes for the Ash Wednesday service come from burning the palm fronds from the previous year’s Palm Sunday celebration. If you burn the palm fronds yourself, don’t add any other ingredient—just burn the ashes plain. Add a little oil to the ashes so that they will stick to people’s foreheads. Of course, it is easier to purchase them from a religious supply house. Don’t overestimate how much you need! It is amazing how far a small amount of ashes will go!
Some people only celebrate the happy times in Jesus’ life: Palm Sunday, Easter Sunday, and Christmas. But I think as true friends, we should also watch and pray with Him on Maundy Thursday, stand by Him at the cross on Good Friday, and retreat with Him into the wilderness during Lent. You can read more about Jesus’ fair-weather friends.
About fasting: Today the word ‘fasting’ means a total abstention from all food. In the historic Church, it means a disciplined diet so that your animal appetites become a sort of spiritual snooze alarm. You can read information about fasting.
You get more information about Lent. You can also read Honest to God for an explanation of what we accomplish by observing Lent.

back to blogging... and more of me...

2006-02-28T11:12:00.000+08:00

Wow... It took me more than two months... and you bet... I have a lot to write...
Well, happy New Year... this is indeed my first official post for the year. hehehe!!!

Last year was indeed a roller-coaster ride of emotions. I laugh a lot… cried a lot… loose weight a little… gain weight more… hehehe!!! Lose a friend… gain a new one... been in almost both extremes and the best part of it… I am fallen’ in love…

Well, had a wonderful start of the year. No more baggage and finally I could say I have moved on and accept my defeat and enjoy the blessings that come with it. I spend my new year in Negros at my Dad’s house… with my cousins, nieces and nephews, and relatives. It was fun… we went to the beach… I just relaxed and enjoy its tranquility… I have never been sooo relaxed in my whole life.

After my broke up with Ali and after me picking up the pieces again, I know I could finally say this… I have forgiven them… and I hope they will forgive me. Truly, it was a good relationship that ended bad and after all that has been said and done… I still would want to thank Ali for always letting me learned life’s best lessons… and I know Ali will always be a part of me. He was a great friend... a good provider and a shoulder to cry on... I know what we have gone through taught us a lot and it will surely help us become a better partner and individual. And I hope we will love our partner more than ever, alllowing ourselves to truly experience the very true essence of finding one's true love... I know in time... all wounds will be healed... Thanks Ali... Good luck and Stay in love...

This is indeed a wonderful year for me. I have been really blessed with true good friends. I will always be grateful for:

RA, Sam and Erick. I know, we don’t go out that often now since we are all busy with our lives. Sam in his struggles whether to leave for Dubai or not; RA with his new relationship; and Erick with his wedding.

I have not seen or talk with Cat, Pot and Reng for so long, but I know they're just there for me… and I missed them.

David on the other hand is still there cheering my day.

To my mobsters family, and specially to Jaja… hay!!! Who would have thought I could find friendship in this very quite and eccentric person… but I am indeed lucky and blessed she have come to trusts me and supports me… letting me see the other side when sometimes I am lost… hehehe!!!

Of course, to Kuya Alwell, Ate Vicks, Kuya Uly, Kuya Yugs and of course Kuya Bes, who still celebrate special occasions with me… and still support me in my struggles, always willing to accept me in my moods, defeats and triumphs...

And lastly, I am indeed blessed to know Jern… I never realized we could be really good friends… and that he would share his thoughts and his beings with me… trusting me with his deep-dark secrets… running to me when he is in need. It is indeed very overwhelming…

Now can you see how happy and blessed I am right now?And Wait there’s more:

I am indeed enjoying my relationship with GOD and I am proud to say that I am on the process of knowing HIM more… developing my relationship with HIM… giving up my worldly thoughts to follow HIM. Opps… don’t get me wrong… I am not there yet, but on the process… but one thing is certain, I will give up everything for HIM because that’s how much I love HIM.

And I am in love…
Well, who would have thought…? I have loved him all this time… and I know I wasn’t brave enough to admit it then since I am not sure if the feeling is the same. But I have crossed the bridge… whether he’ll be at the end of the bridge waiting for me or not… I love him not because he loves me… whatever is in store for us… I know, in time it’ll blossom… just like the missing piece…

I am still continuing praying for him and for us… as my old line goes… “You know what’s the worst thing in life, WAITING!!!” but now… it’s even worst... “I don’t mind waiting and experience all the worst in life… with HIM!!!” Luxury in life is indeed a bonus… but having him is more than that… and we know in God’s time… for now, we are both nourishing our relationship with GOD.

Truly, “everything works for good to those who LOVE the LORD”.

"can you hear the laughter.. can you hear the music..."

2005-12-28T22:58:00.000+08:00

This is indeed my best christmas... happiest ever... a little sad but everything will be settled in time...

Thanks to Erick and his family for accomodating Sam and Me...

Life is indeed full of surprises... when you thought life can be this lonesome and sad... someone would be there to cheer you up... and I know inspite of how things could go wrong... I know... I am truly blessed to have known so wonderful people around me. I am thankful indeed to have the opportunity of knowing such wonderful family.... thanks Nanay and Tatay...

We just ate and watched DVD's... we chatted until 5 in the morning... I had so much fun... much more when you see their gift... WOW!!! never been luckier... hehehe!!! I know I am sooooo blessed!!! then we watched movie in the afternoon... hay!!! ang saya!!!

Well, when everything is fine... and you thought you have your best day... someone will give you their best blow... well, I have to admit that I felt sad when Erick broke the news but I am still wishing the best for them... I am very willing to sacrifice my own personal happiness just so everything will work... well, I know... Erick is such a good friend... and whoever this man's gonna settle with is indeed lucky because when HE says "I am yours..." He means it.... and I know that at the end of it... he will remain where I left him... he will always be my friend (*teary-eyed*)... hay!!! Well, best wishes and good luck friend... this too will past!!!

Thanks Sam and Erick... it was indeed a merry christmas!!! love yah!!!

when you thought everything is gone...

2005-12-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

I never got to verbalize this... but life would never be the same with out these people... and I know... THANK YOU would not be enough...

Wondering who are they? Well, my three best buddies at work and even outside of it... that's SAM, RA and ERICK...

Having them around you would twist your world around... would give you their best blows... and then lift you up to where you should be... they are not the type of person you'll thoughT you can be mushy with but trust me... their sweet... without meaning to... hehehe!!! They exists differently... but they have one thing in common... aside from the fact that I am special to the three of them... hehee!!! walang kokontra... I know I am, in their own special way... and I thank them for that... they are all passionate in what they're doing... they will stick with you when life is so tough... and when your wounded... they will help you get through it... and i am indeed blessed they are my friends...

To my Honey Sam: My Movie buddy... You may not see it but movie time without you is never complete... and thanks for the innocent way that you care... sa mga banat mong pa naive... for trusting me whenever your doubtful... as you always are... hehehe!!! I hope in time... you'll realize whatever makes you happy... and whether it will be in Dubai... or here... dito lang kami... dito lang ako...

To my Baby RA: My Boyfriend in Good times... hehehe!!! Thanks for always letting me see things objectively and even if it means hurting me... we may not talk as often as we did (sam, erick and me), i may not share with you eveything that I feel inside but I know and always been sure you'll be there for me... ikaw man ang pinakamayabang kong kaibigan... i love you for being so... I hope... whatever you have right now... will last and for real... I am happy for you and her...

To my friend ERICK: My Boyfriend in Bad TImes... kasi ginulo ko ang mundo nya... hehehe!!! Kidding aside... I have to be honest that among the four of us, we are the closest... well, we laugh a lot... talk a lot... even eat a lot!!! and we can always talk things comfortably with each other... whether it's about life... love... triumphs... and even defeats... Thanks for always being there friend in my worst time... God Bless you and Lally... stay in love forever...

TO SAM, RA and ERICK: True friends speak the truth in love... Thanks for being ONE!!! God bless... love yah!!!

White Christmas...

2005-12-21T19:58:00.000+08:00

All of these pictures were taken last December 18... my first christmas with CONVERGYS... Had fun... indeed!!! Can't you see it??? hay!!! Never been blissful... thanks to everyone...

"Ba happy... life is too short to be unhappy. Smile."

2005-12-21T19:33:00.000+08:00

It's not goodbye... but see you later...

This was our send off party to Ms. Penny... Convergys, employee #1... and to her we owe a lot... it was indeed a very sentimental farewell... well, every goodbye is indeed sad... even if our hearts wanted her to stay... we know that she is indeed happy with her decision... and I do admire her composure and gracefulness in facing all her defeats... for sometime we'd want to question her strength... on how far she can fight for us... but bravery is not just about fighting just to prove something... but sometimes it's all about keeping your ground... holding on to it... silently doing what's best for everyone... sometimes... or most of the times... brave people never have to fight... it is eassier to deal with anger and resentment... but it takes more courage holding your ground and just get on with it... keeping silent and wait for the right time... for everything will come in HIS own time... .

Now I realized that in every crossroads... you really have to choose... in the words of Ms Penny... "don't be afraid... for there is no bad decision as long as you decide for it... for at the end of the day... LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT..."

To Ms. Penny, Thanks for all the support... for the lessons I have learned... even in a hard way... WOW!!! That's makes me more stronger and mature right now. We will always look up to you... not just a boss... but as a friend... a sister... and more... a mother... God bless... We are happy for you... You will always be CONVERGYS' Number 1 EMPLOYEE...

Will surely miss you...

For David...

2005-12-21T12:03:00.000+08:00

<<< See this pic??? Well you have to... this is about being extra sexy... extra raunchy... extra cute and extra crazy... all these for one extraordinary person who makes my day... all for David...

I know you wouldn't see it, but Joanne and I were actually sick that night... but we can't screw things up... we can't afford to ruin the surprise we had been preparing only for David... Thanks to their creativity: Eden, Rain, Joanne Yang and Joanne Parras...(Hope I spelled their names right...)

I have never done this in my entire life... not the surprise thingy... but dressing up in "not the usual me"... modelling and all... WOW!!! you should have seen it... it's kinda emabarrassing but for DAVID I will do it again... I will do whatever it takes just to see this man happy... COZ HE TRULY DESERVES IT...

Dave, thanks for all the support... for considering me as one of your friend... for trusting me with your deep-dark secrets... don't worry i won't tell... heehehe!!! Thanks for all your patience... and before I forgot... thanks sa mga dangling earrings... (you really have to see his pieces...). Thanks... Thanks... Thanks...

Truly true friends speak the truth in love, thanks for being one... love you!!!

More happiness on your birthday and the holidays to come...

some things never change...

2005-12-16T14:22:00.000+08:00

I have a lot to write... hehehe!!!

Last weekend been the craziest weekend ever. As in the craziest yet the happiest...

Well, had a wonderful birthday bash at Gerrys' Jupiter... Thanks to those who came and celebrated our birthdays... Lhen, Milette, Roms, Eden, Sharon, Ms. M, Nonie, Bang, Sam, Eric, Ms. Cha, Erick and Kuya Bes... Just merely looking at these people and how happy they are on that night gave me such contentment within that I know I made the best decision in my life... Well, every decision is not easy... believe me... hehehe!!! And really now I realize that I am Blessed!!!

Well, some things never change... and that's Kuya Cias... hehehe!!! He arrived last Saturday all the way from New Zealancd, and mind you... he seem to be the same person we looked up to then... same old JEANS and SHIRT... hehehe!!! But I think he is more in love now. Looking at his eyes with all excitement and kilig seeing ate LIrs.. WOW!!! You'll be blessed seeing them and even if how painful I've been through... still I'd wish to fall in love again... well, it will come!!! it will come at HIS OWN Good time...

Anyway, to KUYA CIAS AND ATE LIRS... Best Wishes and Congratulations... I never got to verbalize this but thanks Ate Lirs for all the love and support... and for letting me feel beautiful everyday!!! Truly, you deserve each other... God bless... Best Wishes... a cheers to you on your wedding day...

"when was the last time you did something for the first time...?"

2005-12-14T15:50:00.001+08:00

originally posted last: December 9, 2005:

I took a glimpsed on the new Starbucks Planner, to justify the need that I have to complete the 21 stickers (meaning 21 starbucks coffee/beverages)... so I can get one. Mind you it's not for sale... it's for free when you complete the required stickers. Well, I only need six... and looking forward to my new 2006 Planner...yahoo!!! thanks to Erick for helping me complete... Anyway, that's where I got my subject...

When was the last time I did something for the first time???... I am fixated... to many things... I hate change!!! I don't want to get out from the situation I know I am already comfortable... but certainly things happen... and you just have to face it... and this what I love about life... chances... fate... when you thought everything is going well and then all of the sudden... blagag!!! But you learned... and believe me it cuts me deep...(thanks ate ja for the line)

When was the last time I did something for the first time???... well, this morning... I ordered for HOT CAFE MOCHA at starbucks... I've waited and got one Cafe latte... whew!!! I got frustrated... knowing me... I would have to go back to the counter and have it change... but I did not... at that same moment, I decided to try it... did i enjoy the coffee? nah... but I felt surprisingly happy about trying it... it may not taste good to me... certainly, I woudn't know, not until this morning... :D

Life is indeed about choices... and staying happy even if you are defeated...

For the first time in so many years I enjoy being with myself alone... and I love it...
See yah!!!

it's all about me...

2005-12-14T15:38:00.000+08:00

originally posted last December 6:

it's all about me... and this is my day...

a brand new me? nah... I'm just back... but loosen a little... hahaha!!!

For the past years I have been counting days 'till my birthday... I had my twirks and moods in between... i had my birthday blues... this year? don't know... worst than blues... but never been happier...

Well to start with, I am enjoying single blessedness... hahahha!!! yeah, If you happened to see me two weeks ago, I know, you'll be very disappointed... because people don't usually see the "bruised side of me"... that was then... but the pain is too painful to bear that i surrender all my defenses and admit my defeat and let go... hahaha.... for truly all endings are also beginnings... and thanks to Morrie by the way...

Well, after everything that has said and done... life can be summed up in three words... "IT GOES ON..." Am i Happy now? yeah... and it's within...

Honestly, when I was on my way home last night, I was quite sentimental about it... gosh... it's my birthday and no plans... no expectations... still configuring how to finish all my back logs from a "two-week-out-of-the-blue-moments"... hay!!! hay... glad that I am back... and suddenly i missed the feeling that someone is waiting for the clock to tick at 12 midnight to greet me... hay!!! wishful thinking.... and i am wishing... well, it was a wish come true... HE DID!!! hahaha!!!

The day is almost over and still no plans, that I almost would want to have my "pamper myself day" but i find it too pathetic... spending the day alone... and yes indeed this day turned out to be a special one... thanks to Yuga, Kuya Alwell, Ate Vicky, Ate Titing, and Ryane for celebrating my birthday with me...

at first i thought this was a different celebration but hey i remembered... this how I used to celebrate my birthdays then... surprises from friends... well that was so many years ago... and I know... i missed them... hay... had fun really!!! but one person is missing... hay!!! I missed Kuya Gen there since he can't come to attend some family errands... but this person is so special to me... he is indeed a blessing... so he would remain... my kuya bes...

Thanks to those who remembered...

Most of all thanks to Ryane...

By the way, he made this day extra special!!! Well, never really known someone who will conspire everything just to make things happen... that's Ryane... I'll tell you more of his surprises next blog... aside from the call to greet me... he sent me flowers... asking why it is a big deal... because this person is somewhere on the other side of the world... and not even sure if I really existed.. had given so much effort in knowing me and letting me realize that " if worst comes to worst, leave the car and find my way back home...and that's faith in action...". I may gone through a lot these days and if I recover sooner than expected, it's not because he is there... but simply because... he always reminds me of God's unconditional love... and to have faith that when you submit everything to God, he'll take care...

Thanks Rye, I still believe in answered prayer... seeing you... growing in HIS love and enjoying your relationship with HIM... I am so proud of you... thanks and can't wait to see you...

It was really a HAPPY AND BLESSED BIRTHDAY...
GOd bless...